FREE OF TREATMENT ~ AT LAST

Thursday, November 4, 2010

So one year later, I am stronger, thinner, fitter, happier, and more joyful than I have been in a very long time. Why on Tuesday, November 2, 2010 was the best day of my week!?, because I had my last Cancer Treatment! A year long Rx of Herceptin to contain and calm my HER2+ gene, makes for a Long Year! Just to know that I don't have to be at NYU Langone Cancer Center every 3 weeks, makes me so happy!

I woke that morning a little bit nervous. Isn't that weird? I had a lot of mixed feelings, too. Something about the routine, my full-time job phasing out was a little bit unnerving. Ed was up in Cape Cod preparing for his Opening Night of Promise, so he couldn't go with me. Thankfully, it was Election Day and Ian had off from School. Ian could have slept in, but he has been my Rock through out this journey. This past year we have grown even closer, and have a relationship that can't be shaken. He really gets what it's been like for me. He woke early and convinced me to walk up to the Center with him instead of taking the train. A declaration of Victory I guess you could say.

We got there right at 9:45am and he created a sign with three little words that meant so much to me on his spiral notebook

THE

LAST

TREATMENT

When I returned from the back, I V in place and wrapped for safety's sake to go upstairs, Ian

a picture of me holding the sign. My Victory Lap had begun. We headed upstairs for the last

of the year long visits to Dr. Speyer, and waited. Called back the last of the routine began,

weigh in, blood pressure, temperature, and changing into the lovely green gown. We waited a

rather long time it seemed, and Ian began to sing to me, "Buttercup" Why do you tear me down,

Buttercup, don't break my hear-art. So together we shared a wonderful memory of me doing

back up singer to Ian's rendition of "Buttercup" I wondered where he had learned the song, he

knew every single word. He of course had heard the song on The Simpsons or some other show.

His oldies but goodies all come from Television shows. He always seems to know the song that

will cheer me up. At long last Dr. Speyer entered, with a broad smile on his face. Perhaps he

heard our private song session or maybe because he knew it was my last day of treatment, or

got good news, or perhaps all of the above. He listened to my heart, my lungs, did the body check

and said, "All's great! Get Dressed and meet me in the office."

I dressed and with a lift in my spirits I leapt into the chair provided and smiled. He was scribbling

on my chart, then slammed the pen down on the papers, looked up and grinned. "So! This is your

last treatment! I just want to warn you, that much like ending chemo, there can be mixed feelings

of being done. You could feel a bit lost, because you might feel on your own. Don't worry about

it, it is natural to feel this way. You might even get nervous because you aren't being watched as

carefully as you have been. I will see you every 3 months, so don't worry." I agreed, and told him,

I was still seeing Dr. Aladjem, and knew that these feelings might arise. I also told him I'd be taking

advantage of Thriving to Live organization, just for women like me finished with treatment to

help them transition back into a "normal" life. He then looked at me and asked, "I just want to

know one thing, what made you decide on the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and not one of the

many other Breast Cancer Charities?" I thought of a moment and said, "It just seemed the right

choice, and it was. It challenged me. I don't run, two days was a big goal, 39+ miles a bigger goal,

the idea of having to raise $1800.00 minimum yet another big goal. When I look back, I have

Ruth and Beverly to thank. Ruth walked for me after she had decided not to do the Avon Walk again.

I knew then it was the right thing to do. Then Beverly passed and it steeled my determination to

raise the most money I could so there won't be anymore Beverly's and there won't be anymore

families like Beverly left behind shattered by the loss. I rose a staggering $11,117.00, a sum even I

never expected to reach. But I did, and that has steeled my resolve to make a new goal for next year!

I will be doubling down for a goal of $22,234.00. Next year, I'll do the 39+ miles once again, and

I will do so with great pride in my heart. I will be a 2 year survivor next year; one year closer to

that 5 year mark of Victory.

I left his office armed with confidence and an appointment on Ian's birthday Feb. 1st to see Dr. Speyer,

and the scheduler, Susan, setting up my last Mugga Scan to make sure my heart made it through

the Herceptin with flying colors. Ian and Headed downstairs and to a Bed for my last treatment

my last visit to Sarah, my nurse, the last time I had to confirm my name and D.O.B for the last Herceptin drip. We snuggled on the bed and watched Kathy

Griffith tear it up on her comedy show. Gary came in and gave me the last foot massage (that will

be sorely missed), and 40 minutes later, the Iv came out and I went to the desk, picked up the bell,

and rang out loudly 3 times and spread the news and the hope to those receiving treatment

that there is an end, and when it comes it is filled with great joy! I hope that the message was spread

and those there took a moment and smiled that someone was freed from Hell, and that yes, their

time would come soon. that someday, they would be there picking up that Bell of Freedom, and

spreading hope for the next in line. I hugged my nurse and Ian took a picture of us. We laughed and

both of us felt a divide begin. I love Sarah, my nurse, she took such great care of me, along with all

of the team on the chemo floor, but I only ever wish to see them randomly on the street or if I

come to say hello.

Ian and I walked home, and I called Cathy and asked her to lunch at Via Della Pace to celebrate

with us. Cathy joined us and Alvero, the head waiter gave me a big hug when he found out I had

my last treatment. Lunch was perfection, Pietro stopped in on his way to the Islands where he has

another business to tend to , and was so thrilled to find out the news. Then Alvero gave us a bowl of

Tiramisu on the House and we just had the best time. It occurred to me that just a year ago, I sat there

with my mom and Cathy after I had shaved my head. We had come full circle.

I posted on FB and texted friends about my great achievement. I called Ed and he answered with

"Congratulations, Love." The rest of my day was filled with casting my Vote, and coaching a client

for Laguardia High School.

I woke the next morning wondering if I'd feel any different, and not surprisingly, I felt no different,

just like turning 21, I didn't feel older, just with the knowledge that if I got carded I wouldn't have

to lie, I woke with the knowledge that I didn't have to dread that needle every 3 weeks, and feel

chained to NYC, that I could freely move about the country if I so chose to .

There is great Freedom to that feeling. I have faced down many demons and I am now Unshakably

Happy! I know that I can face down any challenge now. I faced down Cancer and I won. I walked

two days and 39+ miles and I won. I raised more money than I ever dreamt I could and countless

women win! Now I go forth into the future without dread, for all the obstacles to come, which there

will be no doubts about that, I know my roots are deeper and stronger than ever before, and though

the winds may blow with gale force I might bend, but I will NOT break.

Please know that you can make it through Hell, just keep on moving, never give up, determine to

be victorious and you will make it through and you will be Victorious!

2010 may have been a Bitch, but 2011 will be the reward for making it through the Hell.

Light and Love

Melissa

THE AVON WALK FOR BREAST CANCER!!!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I'm skipping the month of September for now; I'll return to it later. I say this because I have to blog about the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer I did this past weekend before the Joy of it ebbs away.

The weeks leading up to the Walk were full of training and last minute pleas for donations. I walked and walked everyday, and about 3 weeks before the walk I woke up and had a strange pain in my hip. I thought, "Oh great! How did I hurt myself?" I thought that perhaps I had slept in an odd position over night, so I shook it off, did extra stretching and went to my day. Today I was tackling Central Park the entire parameter of the Park. Central Park's jogging path is full of hills, some steep and some slowly elevating with long stretches of flat smooth service. I had my Herceptin treatment that morning and headed out after it from the Langone Cancer Center. Ian had forgotten his Chemistry Textbook, so I lug it along on my back and met him at lunch to exchange hugs for books. I stretched once more after my lunch and headed out on the jogging path. I knew I had a limited amount of time, but I didn't want to cut short the walk, so I chose today as the push for the max day. I made great time, I power walked to the sounds of Amy Winehouse, and 70's disco in my ears furnished by the cast off IPod that once belonged to Sarah. I pushed up the steepest part of the Central Park Hills and looked at my watch. Yikes! I was going to cut it close if I wanted to meet up with Ian and walk home with him. So onward I pushed, like a marine, never stopping, marching away in a fast paced rhythm. My back began to ache but I moved on, only stopping once more to stretch out my lower back. The rest of the walk was simple, all mostly downhill, but the nagging of my lower back barked at me. I met Ian at the fountain at Columbus Circle and we walked down the streets of NYC with its honking cabs, and sirens from passing police, ambulance, and firetrucks. We stopped to get water and headed to Grand Central area where Ian had an audition. Then from there we headed home. I did an enormous amount of walking that day; around 17-18 miles. My back was really hurting by this point and it was really to late to head to NJ to see Dr. J for an adjustment, so I put ice on my back and rested the rest of the night.

I woke in the morning barely able to move. Dr. J had left to go to a wedding in California and wouldn't be back until the following week. So Ed took me to Dr. J's dad, Michael. I was so tight I don't think there was anything Michael could do. Told to NOT walk and soak in the tub, I returned home angry with myself for my arrogance and foolishness of not listening to my body. How could I have been so dumb. The rest of the week was spent not walking, not dancing, just feeling the pain worsen. Monday came and with it shooting pains down my leg and up my back. Spasms would come out of nowhere. What had I done?! Ed took me to Dr. J and it was discovered that not only was my hip rotated but my 5th Lumbar was way out of whack! After pounding on me and much stem I was put to rights and sent home with a stern warning not to dance or walk for 48 hours and to do ICE! This time I followed orders to the tee. Soon my back got better, but I had lost precious training time and felt that my back was going to be a concern for the entire walk.

I had a lot of left over party favors since the shipment didn't arrive until after my party, BUMMER! So I had Ian take them to school and have the SMAC team sell them. The bracelets sold well, the bandanna gift bags, not so much. now I'm stuck with almost 50 bandannas. Anyone want one? lol

I went to a few dance classes but knew that I had better spend the rest of the time training for the walk. I knew that Mary Ann could no longer be with our team because of medical reasons, but little did I know that Amy would have to drop out too. So our team went from 4 to 2 in a snap of the fingers. So Cathy and I bravely headed to the Pre Event Night and finished Cathy's registration and turned in the last minute donations. The Hotel was full of PINK! tables everywhere with buttons and t-shirts with funny Breast-like statements. I bought 3 t-shirts that read "I'm a Breast Man" with a huge pink ribbon for Ed, Ian, and Matt (Sarah's boyfriend). As I was looking over the shirts I found a light pink shirt that read "YES! These are Fake! The Real Ones Tried To Kill ME!" So I snatched that one up for Cheryl, because of all the women I know going through this disease, she is the one who would have no problem lifting her shirt and proving they are fake. She has a wicked sense of humor and this is something she would definitely say. On we went looking over buttons and jewelry and there it was, My Dad, speaking to me from far away. A button that read, "Feet Don't Fail Me Now". Something my Father had always said to me in fun. He even made up a shirt with a tap dancing Jerry from Tom and Jerry tapping away with that statement right under it. I could feel how proud my Dad was of me at that moment. I knew he was with me, and knew that if he were alive he would be out there training with me, telling me to fight, fight like Hell. So thank you Daddy, for being there and sending me that small yet huge sign that you are always with me. I couldn't ask for anything more. Then I was a bit crazy, I bought a beach towel with 'In It To End It' on it, and a t-shirt for Sarah, a fanny pack to hold my phone and water bottle and money, and got a free travel mug! It was then that I realized the time! I had to run to rehearsal at the Pier for the Opening and Closing Ceremony, and there I was laden down with shopping bags. Ugh! I found my walker buddies Steph, Amanda, Chloe, Amy ( I know I'm forgetting someone, sorry) They were decked out in their Pink Wigs and running around helping everyone. Steph took my bags and tucked them away for me, and I did my last training walk before the Walk.

I met Matt Glass ( our everything from speech writer to director to stage manager) and was introduced to the other speakers. John aka Golden Glutes a 70 year young retired Air Force man who has been walking for years now because Breast Cancer has touched many in his family including his God-Daughter who lost her battle recently at the age of 32. Willy, a dead ringer for Mickey Rooney, who walks for his Dad diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year and is soon to be a Survivor. Olivia, a 12 year old volunteer who helps out with cheering and snacks for us. Lisa, a walking warrior who has earned over $15,000 this year alone by doing multiple walks around the country. There was only one speaker missing, a crew member, Tina, because she was in a crew meeting. So there we were on the stage looking out at the pier, the wind whipping all around us shaking the speakers and drowning out our voices on the mics, and the space looked so small. I have to say Avon is very organized down to the last detail. I waited my turn to rehearse and listened to the speeches and was moved by each and everyone, and then it was my turn to step up. A fire started down deep in my soul as I realized that this space in the morning would be filled to overflowing with eager faces ready to walk to save lives. I was filled with such a sense of pride. We then handed things over to Eloise the Director of the Event who is a 5 year Breast Cancer survivor. In the moments after rehearsal, Eloise and I spoke and discovered that we both had Debbie Axelrod as our surgeon. We beamed with the connection because we both knew we had had the best. I returned to the Hotel and found Ed and Ian waiting for me. I ran up and collected my shopping bags and wished the crew much luck, and headed downstairs for the HER2+ seminar. Ian headed home, and Ed and I dove into the finger food. The nutrition speaker was awesome! She made nutrition fun, actually. Then the explanation of HER2+ and how it works came and I learned a lot more about the disease. Finally, a woman from Chicago spoke about her experience and how it affected her life. It was so similar to mine it was eerie, and many women cried and applauded her. Afterwards, the usual speak with the speakers, please sign my cape (made by a fellow SGI member) and Ed comes up to me and introduces me to a tall lean man with curly brown hair and stunning blue eyes. Joaquin doesn't have a team, he is walking solo, so at hearing this I inform him that he does indeed have a team and it's called NEVER STOP MOVING. Turns out Joaquin is an Argentine tango instructor, who is walking for his mother. I tell him where to find us in the morning and head home.

The night before the Walk is full of excitement and anxiety. Did I pack everything? What did I forget? 11pm and still I am awake, I have to be up at 4:30am! Go to sleep! At last I sleep and the alarm goes off far too soon, but I rise, shower, brush my teeth and dress for the walk. Ed and Ian stumble about the house and already we are (in Hyland fashion) behind schedule. We get to the car and swing around to pick up Cathy. Every street we take seems to be the wrong one to go across, but eventually we make our way to the event and are on the Westside Highway at the light. Women are pouring out into the street getting their luggage so Ed says, just get out here, cuz this is crazy. As soon as we have our luggage out of the trunk a security person tells us we can't do that. It felt like everyone else got away with it but us. Cathy and I look at him and say "It's okay." The guard says, "You do know that this is a Highway." "Yes, it's okay, we know how not to get hit.' we move on and know we were naughty, but we don't care, it's 5 in the morning and freezing cold. Ian helps us take the bags to the 'C' Truck while Ed searches for a parking spot, hoping that he can make it in time for my speech. We look at the line waiting for food and coffee and give up before we begin, the line is painfully long. Good thing I ate before I left the house. I also have loaded up on power bars and granola. I'm armed with my water bottle and electrolyte tabs, so I'm good to go. The pier begins to crowd with the masses of people, both walkers and families. I make my way to the stage area and go behind the fencing to check in. I find Willy ready to walk geared up in watch cap and grey sweatsuit. Willy is a short man with a stocky build, a face like a young Mickey Rooney and the biggest heart! An ex-Marine who's father was also a military man. Willy is so adorable he makes me want to find a barn so we can put on a show. I'll be Judy and he can be Mickey. Babes in Arms.

The Ceremony gets ready to begin, and after meeting Willy's dad and kissing Ed and Ian for luck, I line up and wait in the dark to head up the steps to the stage. My first time back on a stage in front of an audience in quite some time. I am ready, I am prepared....what? can I take off my backpack? I don't want to forget it, okay? Don't let me forget it. I forget stuff all the time.....suddenly I'm walking up the stairs and I'm waiting my turn at the mic. The pier is fuller than I imagined. The theme of Pink is everywhere, a sea of pink wigs, glitter galore, and fairy wings dance in the pink waves of happy earnest faces looking for inspiration to carry them forward for the 26 mile march to the Cure! Slow down people, enjoy this moment, it lasts only a few moments and then it is stored as memory, so enjoy it. My turn, I move to the mic and adjust it to my height. I look out over the sea of walkers crew volunteers and family/friends and take in a deep breathe and say, "Good Morning! How are you are all doing? Ready to Walk?" The crowd breaks into cheers and applause. I continue my opening remarks and the speech goes like this:

MELISSA:

Good morning. I’m walking my first Avon Walk because I want to share my story of survival. Even with no family history, I found a lump while in the shower that turned out to be breast cancer. I thought I was going to die. But I remembered people like my dance instructor Luigi. He was told he’d never walk again after an accident when he was 21. But he used dance to climb back into life and now he’s still going at 85. So my team this weekend is named “Never Stop Moving” because that’s what Luigi always says. And that’s what we all need to do to beat breast cancer. [PAUSE] My name is Melissa Canaday, from the East Village, and I’m a 1-year breast cancer survivor. I’m in it to end it for me and for every other person battling breast cancer, young and old, across the country and around the world.

The crowd erupts in all the places you find yourself thinking you'd applaud or cheer. Then Eloise takes the mic and breaks it all down for us. Why we must walk, what our mission is, how close we are to a complete victory. And then she tells the crowd that during the walk a crew member may walk up to you and hand you a pink ribbon sash to wear and that you mush wear it for the duration of the walk. And that the 6 speakers will now receive a ribbon because in the time it took to do this opening ceremony 6 women or men have been told, "I'm sorry, you have Breast Cancer." Every Three Minutes People! Every 3 minutes a person is told they have breast cancer. What must we do to stop it. That is too many people. So Eloise bedecks Lisa who in turn hangs the next ribbon around Willy, who then drapes a ribbon around Tina who then turns to me and gently smiles and places the ribbon around my neck and grabs my hands in hope. My heart grips and the tears well up because now, I have to turn to Olivia (the young teen) and hang a ribbon around her neck, who then does the same to John. Then slowly Eloise asks those who have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer to raise their hands. Next, family members who know someone they love whose been diagnosed, and finally friends of someone diagnosed with breast cancer. The entire pier is awash with hands glowing in the breaking of dawn and tears run down many a face, and then I see Ed Cathy, Ian and Joaquin standing together, hands held high and I fight back the tears because the emotion is so overwhelming. WE then all take hands united in one mighty cause and head out to the 26 mile day.

High on the moment I rush to my family and give Joaquin a big hug. So happy that he actually found us in this mob. Out we head onto the route, slapping high fives to everyone along the edges of the route. It wasn't until we were almost to the 1 mile mark, that I realized I had left my backpack behind. I rushed backward through the crowd yelling "I forgot my back pack, sorry. My back pack, left behind." Ian in his lanky body came from behind me and said not to worry he'd run ahead to fetch it. There it was on the ground looking like a lump of grey material amongst the pipes and drapings and sound boxes. Ian ran easily towards me and together we headed out once more at a power walk pace to catch up with the crowd. Once I had found Cathy and Joaquin I slowed my pace and enjoyed the sunrise as it began to kiss the air around us, bouncing off the glass of skyscrapers in NJ and causing a stark contrast against the darkly clouded sky. The Hudson River gleamed and the willow trees gracefully danced in the wind. The last leg of my Breast Cancer Journey had begun, and it was a beautiful day.

We came to the first of many rest stops along the way, and to greet us was a Broadway Theater Themed stop. The Phantom of the Opera greeted us with a pink mask and pink satin lined cloak and shirt. Port-a-johns lined the route and the line was already fierce. We opted to move on. With Ed and Ian now gone, it fell to Never Stop Moving to carry on. So on we went taking pictures along the way of every mile marker with the exception of mile 2. Somehow we had missed it. We started to climb and Cathy started to fall behind, needing food no doubt since we really hadn't had much. Joaquin with the joyful energy of a boy half is age offered to carry Cat piggyback more than once. Cat would laugh at him and promptly turn him down. Our walk took us through such beauty that New Yorkers don't really take advantage of . I marveled at how wonderful this island really is. Once we moved into the neighborhoods the children were the ones that really spurred me on. The happy faces with fists full of stickers to hand out. Homemade signs with Markers that smudged and lot of glitter, and those smiles. How could one not find energy in those smiles and high fives. The day seemed to fly by, and soon we were at a park having lunch, sitting on a curb with apples and sandwiches. We were behind and I really wanted to get to the Wellness Village since Dr. J was there waiting to adjust me and make sure my hip and lumbar were okay. Cathy agreed to let me move on so I did, and soon Joaquin joined me, his long frame could no longer take going slow. Together we wove through the traffic of Pink and made up more than 20 of the 45 minutes we were behind, always certain to stop and take mile pictures along the route. When arrived down near City Hall, there was Cathy. She had jumped on one of the vans and hitched a ride to meet us. Together we faced Cathy's fear of heights on bridges as we crossed the Brooklyn Bridge. Cathy was afraid, but in the end the Bridge befriended her because or the construction on the bridge a whole section was walled off so you couldn't see the River below. With that under our belts we took a small break in the park in DUMBO and spoke with several women who joined us in walking back across the Manhattan Bridge. Cathy opted for a Van, having too soon faced the Brooklyn Bridge, and who could blame her; her fear was real. I met Graziella and Blondin the former a New Yorker, young and as pretty as her name originally from Brazil, and the latter from the Sacramento, CA area who came to New York to walk in this Event for her New York friend who has just found out she has had a recurrence of Breast Cancer in her lung. We all walk for our special reasons, the whys are all a part of a bigger piece, it's the getting there that matters. We soon meet up with Ian as we passed through our neighborhood and we told him to walk like he belonged on the route and to keep his wrists hidden because he lacked an ID bracelet. As we walked I found out just why Joaquin had somehow found us. His mother had no insurance and no means to pay for treatment and if it had not been for the Avon Foundation his mother would have had no other choice than to do nothing and die. Joaquin was an answered prayer. Like an angel he appeared out of nowhere, and delivered to me that woman I was fighting for. That one woman who couldn't afford health insurance and made too much to get public assistance. I had been given a name and a face to walk for. So for all the people who donated to me, we raised over $10,700 for Vivanna to have treatment and to hear those words we all long to hear, "Congratulations! You, are cancer free!"

As we approached the final two miles there was Cathy again waiting for us to cross that final bridge of the day. I still felt so full of energy and seeing Cathy only fueled my resolve to finish with a big smile on my face. With Ian and Cathy by my side and our new found Angel Joaquin we pushed forward with joy! One last time of the long day I danced once again with a man who jumped from stop to stop with his boom box and danced with as many walkers as would let him. I leapt with excitement to see him once again, the Last Dance of the day. He always lifted my spirits and encouraged me on. As we rounded the corner on the palisade we saw the bridge to Randall's Island looming against the horizon. Long and Tall, green against the Bright blue sky, the bridge it loomed there as the final obstacle for Cathy to overcome. Cathy confessed that she didn't know if she could do it. Joaquin and I were certain that she could. I took her hand as we approached the entrance to the bridge and I told her that she had already crossed one bridge and this only had people on it, no cars, trucks or trains. WE stepped on the bridge and started forth, Cathy began to falter in her faith that she could go that final mile and then I said, take my arm, take Joaquin's and together we will chant our way across the bridge. So there we were, me chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo loudly, Cathy chanting in her head, and Joaquin wondering what these two crazy ladies were doing, while Ian had gone ahead laughing to himself at how ridiculous we looked and sounded. But I didnt' care, I had a mission to get Cathy across that bridge, a symbol of breaking through for both of us. 2/3 of the way over Cathy relaxed and let go of my hand and said, "I'm okay now. I'm not afraid anymore." She had done it. Faced down that fear and sent it packing. We were like Dorothy, The Scarecrow, the TinMan, and the Lion heading down the Yellow Brick Road toward Oz to find rest, food, and medical care. We entered the Wellness Village all in good spirits and headed to the Chiropractor tent in search of Dr. J!

There he was, Dr. J doing his magic on the walkers lucky enough to get him. Did they know how good he was, and what really great hands they were in? I did. We caught his eye and then waited for the day's tension to be released. A big hug from Dr. J was the beginning of treatment followed by a great adjustment. We spoke for a bit and then headed out to set up our tents before the sun set. We found our bags and Ian carried them to our spot C 083. I found a tent and from there, we were lost as to how to put it up. It took a while to figure it out, but the biggest problem was that we didn't have stakes to hold the tent from blowing away and were missing the center bar. Once we had that problem solved I went to change into my Uggs. I opened my bag and .... no Uggs. No Uggs anywhere! Crap! I had taken them out to run something downstairs to Ed on Friday morning and forgot to put them back in the bag. My poor feet really needed the soft cradle of wool to caress and ease the aches away. Now I was stuck having to wear the second pair of sneakers that were more broken in so a bit wider. That is when the pinkies let it be known they were NOT happy. I didn't even remove my socks because if I had I knew I'd have to go to the Medical tent. Something I refused to do.

WE ate spaghetti and meatballs with greenbeans and salad and enjoyed the wacky entertainment of the evening. The Youth Crew performed along with extro-verted women who only needed a karioki machine and a mic. The music was loud, and we were tired. WE headed to our tents and as the temperature fell so did our lids and soon we were asleep, and soon the raft I blew up deflated and I woke to the hard hard ground. I discovered the plug had come out, so I blew it up again and fell easily asleep once again only to wake around 4am to a flat raft. I gave up went to the port-a-johns and returned and took out that beach towel I hadn't used at the shower I couldn't find and folded it up under my hips and tried to get another 2 hours of sleep.

My rooster on my cell phone crowed at 6am sharp, and slowly Cathy and I moved our sore and aching bodies into the freezing morning air. While Cat went to the bathroom and to brush her teeth I chanted for protection for the final 13.1 miles. Soon our gear was packed up and the tent had been broken down and folded up. We headed to the Mess Tent and loaded up on Eggs sausage and potatoes. I even grabbed some oatmeal. Glad I did, because the eggs were cold and the potatoes unedible. So I dug into the oatmeal only to taste the bland paper mache flavor of gooey oatmeal. With no cinnamon to spice things up, I sucked it up and remembered that when I was a kid at camp, the food didn't taste like mom's either, so why would oatmeal taste like Ed's? We fueled up on fresh cut melon and strawberries and green tea, filled our water bottles and searched for Joaquin. Not being able to find him anywhere we decided that maybe he got up early and had left ahead of us flirting with a cute young walker. Afterall, why spend time with two middle-aged married ladies when he had a whole ocean to fish in? We got across the bridge and Cathy even rose above all expectations and posed on the bridge clearly showing she was well over the water. I was so proud of her. Once across the bridge I asked if she'd mind if I went on ahead, I felt behind and knew that if I didn't move quickly I'd never be able to make it later. We hugged and off I pushed through the thickness of Pink everything and soon was swallowed up from view of Cathy. I met my dancing man and cut a quick rug with him and moved on. There were whole stretches of pavement that left me to my own. On these stretches I would chant outloud and found myself walking in rhythm with the Universe. I was truly cooking with gas now. By the time I rolled into the lunch stop I was 2 1/2 hours ahead of schedule. So I found some pavement in the playground, took off my shoes and stretched my tired aching legs and feet. Shared stories with women and as always inspired by what I heard. I made a call to Cathy and heard she was 1 1/2 miles from lunch so I decided to hang and wait for her. just as I had decided that Joaquin must have been an angel to help us on the front 26, there he was, looking for me saying, "Have you seen a lady in a pink cape with short hair and pink stripes?" So happy to have found each other, others might have thought we were long lost family reunited after a decade of seperation. We took care of our blisters and waited for Cathy. My phone was dying and had to be turned off and on as needed. Once we found Cat we looked for our names on the banner we had signed the day before. We took pictures and realized that we were losing steam fast, so we pushed onward to the final 6 miles of the walk.

What is 6 miles on any given day? Why that was nothing to me, I could walk up to Lincoln Center take an hour and half dance class and walk home. That was 8 miles not including the dance class. 6 Miles was easy, but not today. teh muscles were beginning to feel fatigue. The more electrolyted water I drank or carbs I ate didn't matter after a point. The mind was willing but the body was beginning to argue the point. We tried to stay with Cathy but she was the first to slow down and it became "Go on, save yourself." So Joaquin and I stuck together and the route became quiet with walkers lost in themselves. Even our wacky zany personalities became introspective and the real reason we both walked perked to the service. For Joaquin thoughts of how lucky his mother was to have found support throught the Avon Foundation, and for me, so many reasons, the first being my emancipation from Mr. Lumpy. One year free of Breast Cancer, one herceptin treatment away from the end of it all. One year old scars being the only thing I feel when I touch the spot where Mr. Lumpy was evicted. For Cheryl and Ruth who fight on as survivors. For my friends who have friends struggling, and for the memories of Lynne Redgrave and most importantly Beverly Ruby who fought with everything she had to the bitter end of her life.

The cure seems so close and yet we lose steam just as we do at the end of the walk and somehow that disease sneaks away. We come so close to catching it. If only we could find a way to get ahead of this beast and cut it off at the pass. Someday, I know in my heart, from the core of my being, we will find a cure, so our daughters and grand-daughters will never have to fear those words, "I'm so sorry, the biopsy came back, and you have Breast Cancer".

The last mile was the most difficult, legs leaden down with exhaustion, and wondering how I could make it, the cheering began and the signs and cowbells and pom-poms shaking and even though I was mentally numb, I found a burst of energy to plow forward. I saw the finish line and then my son, Ian emerged from the crowd holding his Kung Fu Staff and came onto the route and gave me a great big hug. I held him tightly. This was why I fought so hard for an entire year. This young boy who had suddenly turned into a young man. Tall and handsome, full of compassion and love. Joaquin's mother found him and rushed to him for that welcoming hug. There we were a photo negative with the same mission. We introduced Ian to Joaquin's mama, and got our t-shirts (mine said Survivor) and drank water and hug more and took pictures and soon Cathy was with us laughing and all smiles because today, she did the entire 13.1 miles, and that was truly something to be proud of . Johnny, Cat's husband soon entered our circle and hugs and kisses were shared. WE all had accomplished more than we expected over those two days, strength found deep within, fears overcome, the bound made between three people that only we can understand.

Soon, the time came to close the day, so I joined the women survivors and held the banner and marched in towards the stage to cheers and loud music. Once there a Production assisstant whisked me backstage adn then I followed Suze Orman and once again stood before the now tired warrior walkers, crew, and volunteers. I stood for felt like forever drinking in this moment. A moment that has no words, even for me, and then I spoke. I gave my story and knew that everything that had happened over the past year, good or bad, lead me to this moment.

"Good afternoon fellow Walkers, Crew, family and friends. My name is Melissa Canaday. I’m a proud resident of the East Village and I am a 1-year breast cancer survivor.

My family: my husband, my son, my daughter and me – are all actors. We work in all different areas of the entertainment industry, and my daughter is lucky enough to star on a well-known television show. We all know how to step out of ourselves and into the character – and the life – of someone else. That skill was important when I discovered a lump while in the shower. I had no family history of breast cancer. But I knew. As I slumped to the floor of the shower and let the tears flow over me mixing with the hot water, I saw myself from the outside in, just as I would when learning a new role.

But this wasn’t a play or a movie. It was my life. After sonograms, mammograms and biopsies, I got the voicemail from my doctor as I came up from the subway in midtown. I was with my husband and the first thing I thought was “Oh my God, I’m going to die.” I was in that dire and dark place for two hours when my doctor called me back and said, “Have you cried for the past couple of hours? I said yes. And she said “OK, now it’s time to pick yourself up and get to work. Now it’s time to start fighting.” I said I don’t know how to take care of me. She said “What if this was happening to your daughter?” I said I’d fight like hell. She said “Well, fight like hell for yourself.” And that’s what I decided to do.

I’ve used every weapon possible to fight this disease, from my Buddhist chanting to innovative new radiations. Laughter and humor were also key to me getting through this rollercoaster of an existence. Chemo caused me to lose my hair right around Halloween so I decided to shave it all off and trick-or-treat through the East Village as Britney Spears in full crisis mode. [PAUSE] Not surprisingly, that look doesn’t turn a lot of heads in the East Village.

As someone who is used to taking care of everyone else, I was stunned to learn just how many people wanted to take care of me. I met a whole new community of survivor sisters on-line and got invaluable advice, love and support from women around the country I’d never met. My daughter wanted to quit her show and come 3,000 miles home, but I convinced her to be strong for me in California. My sweet son would shop for us when my husband was performing on the road and then would snuggle with me and do his homework in my bed. And even after a triple lumpectomy, my husband has proven that he loves me no matter how many scars I may bear.

I initially registered for this Avon Walk for me, but I quickly learned that my survival is a gift; an opportunity to inspire hope by sharing. This weekend I walked for a lot of people, like my online friend and confidante Beverly, who lost her battle in Chicago this spring. And I also walked for that single mom who is scared out of her mind because she doesn’t have insurance, and doesn’t know how she’ll support her kids. I walked so I could reach down and help her off the floor of her shower and tell her that there is a way out. And this weekend I walked 39.3 miles because of all the roles I’ve played in my life, the most important role may be that of a money-raising, early detection-preaching breast cancer survivor. [PAUSE]

Because of what we’ve all done this weekend, there is help and hope for that single mom and so many others like her throughout this great city and around the country. " and then I broke from the script and told how I had met Joaquin and put a face and a name to the woman we raised money for. That this person we see in our hearts really exists. So know that you do make a difference and it is huge! Then I moved back to the script...

"To tell you more about how the dollars we raised will be put to good use right here, right now, please welcome Avon Foundation board member and our fellow walker, the President of Avon Products North America, Geralyn Breig."

This was a mind blowing moment as the checks were handed out to the so many deserving organizations that reach out to that woman on the floor of her shower sobbing because she thinks her world has come to a screeching halt, and doesn't know what she'll do.

So I'll leave you with this, we DO make a difference, your $5 donation or $10,000 donation it all is equal in the eyes of those in need and those who work tirelessly to help, every single penny counts. So do the walk, or work behind the scenes or simply donated what you can. 5,000 women and not one moment of "Drama", that speaks to how seriously we take this mission. WE Can All Be In It To End It.

I'm walking again next year, and I learned a lot about what I need to do to be better prepared. So I'm doubling down. I raised $10,700.00 so I'll be shooting for $21,400.00. Start a coin bottle, have a garage sale or yard sell, bake sell, and donate it and I promise I'll make every single dollar I raise worth more than every step I take.

Be well, and picture me with Ian's Kung Fu STaff saying in my Pink SGI Cape:

"I have been on the Walk and there is a new commandment handed down and it is this.

Thou shalt feel thy titties once a month!"

Light and Love

Melissa

ATHOL, LOS ANGELES, INWOOD, OH MY!

October 8, 2010 Friday

Once again, I apologize for my tardiness in keeping up with the Blog.

The journey continues the morning after my fantastic Birthday Fundraiser! Tired, overdone from the night before and Ed is already at us to get packed and ready to hit the road for Athol. I have to do laundry, and not only pack for Athol, but be prepared to empty out the suitcase and refill with clothing for Los Angeles. The laundry room is of course backed up with one dryer down. The pressure begins already and it's only 8am. Garh! The laundry takes 3 1/2 hours because of the back up, and I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed. I want to know what the restaurant took in last night because I want to know when the check will be given to me. I'm still not packed. I'm hungry. I'm cranky. Did I say I'M TIRED!!! I've worked my ass off for this fundraiser, and got to bed at 2am. I don't want to leave today, I just want to crawl back under the covers and sleep.

By 2pm, I've had enough, I have no idea what is in the suitcase, I'm reduced to toddler tantrum tears. This trip to Athol is suppose to be relaxing and I feel as far away from relaxed as I am from the Moon. Ed and Ian are bickering at each other, Ian is fighting to leave tomorrow and Ed wants to get away so we have as much time up there as possible. At this point we'd be arriving late into the evening. I put my foot down and declare, "We are not leaving today! I'm going to bed and napping. When I wake up, I'll repack, we'll have dinner, and then I'm going to bed again." That was that, easy. Funny how when you determine to have your way, it happens with very little resistance.

We left the next morning and on the way up, Ed gets a call for an audition for Friday. He takes it, and I look at him slack-jawed. I can't believe he just did that. He says he will drop us and return home that night. I see this as a disaster. The traffic was atrocious and the weather rainy, so needless to say we made poor time. We stop for food at a diner that takes forever and the food was barely worth the stop. We continue on and the rain continues and the traffic worsens. By the time we get to Athol, we are so wiped out, and I, once again, put my foot down. Ed ends up calling the agent and backs out of the audition. They weren't very happy, but I don't care. How good would he have done, really? The rest of the weekend was fun. Ian and I did our daily walks in the woods and around town, while Ed and Pentii worked in the basement redoing an entry to the basement of the cottage. Sally had to work so she left early and returned late and sun burnt. She forgot her sunscreen, a hat, an umbrella, a tent so was crispy as burnt bacon. The house was devoid of bats this trip, and we missed "Dracula" very much. But the house was not without the ANTS! So I went to town and got Cinnamon candles for Sally. This helps.

The second day at the cottage, Ian and I hike out to hit the trails in the wildlife preserve. First Pentii takes us all to a local breakfast diner. We squeak in just as the kitchen was prepping to close. Had a great breakfast and then we headed out to hike. The trip to get to the preserve was far more of a workout than the trail. We hiked along the road that led to town, and then we saw the road that led to the trails...straight uphill. We looked at each other and said, "Let's go." The heat was rising, and the humidity with it, but we pressed on. We finally reached the top of the hill and thought we'd get a break, but alas, it was not to be, for before loomed a steeper incline. We pressed on and now clung to the shady spots in the road, and soon realized that we had two more sharp inclines to go. By the time we made it to the park, my butt was feeling it, big time. Then breakfast hit my gut, and the bacon I had decided it had to leave. Only one outhouse and NO toilet paper. I can't wait anymore, so cramping and in pain, I search my fanny pack for Kleenex. NONE! "Ian! Do you have any paper on you? Anything?" Ian pulls out his wallet and comes up with his schedule for his PBA week at Beacon. Well, it was better than having Ian bring me leaves, I didn't want to take the chance of Poison Ivy. How awful would that be?

Note to self: Never have greasy bacon, sausage or eggs before you attempt to hike to the summit. Always make sure you have Kleenex on you before you leave home.

At least I had hand sanitizer on me.

We enjoy our trek into the woods and come across a beautiful pond full of lotus blossoms. I had to stop and take pictures and drink in its beauty. There it was, the simultaneity of cause and effect right there in front of me. The lotus is the only flower that blossoms and seeds at the same time. The wonder of this fragile flower floating in pond water while dragonflies zoom back and forth gleaming their iridescence in the sun. Turtle poke their heads up from the water, while others sun on logs sticking out of the water. Oh to be a lotus. Ian is anxious to move on, and I just stand there realizing that this time last year, I was finding out that my worse fear was about to happen. Returning to Athol was a Full Circle moment for me. Last year, I would never even attempted the steep climb to the preserve. I would have driven up and walked around and not really have seen the forest through the trees. But today I stood and appreciated the full beauty of everything. I had just climbed without fear or complaint the steepest of hills, and did it free of cancer. I am stronger than I ever imagined I could be. 10lbs lighter, 100% fitter, 1000 times happier. I feel a bit like the lotus in that moment. The cancer was the blossom and seeded a newer me. I blossomed again in this moment and wonder what these seeds will grow into.

We move on deeper into the woods and as we do the gnats and mosquitoes grow in number. We reach a fork in the road and decide to turn back as the bugs are too thick to cut through. When you see a wall of gnats, it's time to go. As we return we hear running through the woods. Please don't be a Bear. So we get very quiet, and the running comes closer and closer. Then a form bursts from the undergrowth and a large setter with pure joy written all over his face rushes past us. The owner approaches us and laughs as we do too. So happy to be free to run the setter rushes in the brush while his older dog pal sticks to the path and her owner. We pause to take some pictures and Ian almost steps on a woolly bear. So we take pictures of the woolly bear. Looks to be a hard Winter. We exit the preserve and head down the hill towards the cottage, and finish up having done 10 miles. Add in the steep incline, and Ian feels we did 15.

The next day we walk into town, and shop for Sally's birthday. We find a quaint shop and buy her gift, and head home, with only 9 miles under our belt. That's okay, we needed a break. Dinner is at the Old Mill. Last year Sally and Pentii took me there. A converted mill that houses a restaurant and Pub. Last year the place was bustling, now the economy has taken it's toll. Hardly anyone there. We enjoyed our dinner and I had made arrangements for a birthday cake to be delivered at the table for dessert. Sally is surprised and pleased. We return to the cottage wishing we didn't have to leave in the morning.

Our trip home was faster than going to Athol; a bit like the steep incline at the preserve and the ease of the return. In the morning I do LAUNDRY again! Pack for the morning and make sure everything on the list is checked off. We arise early and head to Jet Blue at JFK. The parking garage is almost as far away from the terminal as you can possibly imagine. We get through check in with ease and kiss Ed goodbye and head to our gate and leave for Burbank and Sarah.

The time spent in LA was more about waiting than anything else. The time spent with Sarah was minimal as she had probably one of the busiest weeks ever! Work everyday, prepping for the Emmys, and moving into her new house. We spent more time with Matt and Barkley than Sarah that trip. We did get to the set a couple of times, and got Ian's headshots done, went to Disneyland, and visited Greg and his family, and had dinner with my dear friend Kathy G. Got to go to the Gifting suite for the Emmys and had a jewelry designer give me a beautiful necklace, a huge white pearl on a chain. Beautiful! When I saw Sarah later that day, she gave me a gift from the gifting suite, a beautiful huge black pearl on a chain. Ah! the Ying and Yang of life. I almost picked that one out. She knows me. That makes me feel good. The last day in LA was spent with Burt and his wife. They are taking us to the airport because Sarah has the Emmys the next day. We spend the afternoon and early evening at Sarah's house and I have the best burger I have ever had in my life! BBQ'd by none other than Sarah's boyfriend, Matt. We had a great time together at last, and enjoy ourselves so much! We kiss and hug and 10 days blurred by in what felt like seconds, and suddenly we are on the plane heading home.

I return home to Ed and work! I have to get caught up on all the work I have to do. Ian spends his final days of Summer prepping for School. Ian has an audition for a film and so we head up to Columbia University for the audition. It goes well, and the director is so excited about Ian's audition. I walk all the way home, but first we stop at the diner that is famous for being the "diner" on Seinfeld. We both order milkshakes and spilt a club sandwich. Glad we spilt the sandwich, because the milkshake was huge! Ian has become my official trainer. I'll miss him when he goes back to school. Who will push me beyond my limits? Ian heads to the train to go to his Kung Fu teacher's house and spend the night with his sons. The next day, Ian heads up to Inwood and calls me, and says, "Come up to Inwood, and walk home with me." Inwood? That is a long walk. 216th St and the Hudson all the way to 6th St and 1st Ave. Well, If I could do that steep hill in Athol, I can do the Inwood walk. OMG! What a hike. I had no idea just how steep the hills in Upper New York City were. We started by going through the park near Bur's house and headed into Fort Tyron Park, all of which was very relaxing. Good thing, too, because the steep hills began and with them unfolded the multi-cultural neighborhoods. New York is a true melting pot of Nations. The corner stores vegetable stands giving away each neighborhoods roots. Taro root, and plantains to coconuts. Cuban music and everything labeled in Spanish. It felt like touring the world. As we approached the Columbia University area, we thought about stopping in for a milkshake and then moved on. One milkshake a week is enough. We got to around Times Square and my legs were tired and my pinkie toe on my right foot was bothering me. I wanted to take a train home from there. Ian admonished me by saying, "How do you think you can do the 39 miles if you can't even do this walk? Get moving." Drill Sargent. I move on, my legs feel like lead, Ian (youth on his side) urges me forward to home. Once home, I'm glad I did the 15 mile walk. Proud of myself. I remove my shoe and find the reason for my pinkie toe discomfort. A blister the size of my pinkie was throbbing there, crying out in pain, begging me to relieve it, I take a needle and white thread and ease the discomfort. I wear a blister band aid there for days as it heals.

The walk did many good things for me. I know now that I can without a doubt do the 39 miles over 2 days. I know where I'll need to put blister band aids so I don't get blisters, and my butt is getting really tight!

So Athol, Los Angeles, and Inwood in one month. All I want to do is rest! And I do just that. Labor Day was a Full DAY of REST!

Light and Love

September to come

Melissa

WHAT I DID FOR MY SUMMER VACATION

September 27, 2010 Monday

Okay okay, I know, I've been AWOL. But I really needed to take a break. I did keep a blog on my computer, but I did that for me, Now I will share it with you.

August 14, 2010

CATCHING UP

Things have been hectic, to say the least. Catching up with Life is hard to do. I let some things slide, such as this Blog, to catch up with the things I let go to seed. I’ve been doing a lot of weeding of the paperwork I call “my Garden”. Entering invoices, payroll, medical info, et.al...

I have missed blogging and I know I’ve promised to do better, but somehow the call of Summer and Training for the Avon Walk have taken the majority of my time. So let me catch you all up on what’s been going on.

July was Heat-wave zone in NYC. I walked anyway. Clung to the shade of the City Buildings and wore my sunscreen and my walking hat. I’d try to do at least 6 miles every day. On the days that it was simply dangerous to be outside, I stayed in the coolness of my air-conditioned apartment, looking out over the haze of the City. On these days, I would do PAPERWORK! The most daunting of tasks. I’d sift through the piles of paper and cut checks, enter payroll (mostly Sarah’s), and separate receipts for the tax year. Then there would be the pile of recycle or shred. My poor paper shredder is feeling the load of the “to shred” pile. Mostly junk mail tossed to the side to deal with. It always amazes me how much extra paper is added to the important bills that must be paid. Why!?!?!?! And why do some companies send a bill but no return envelope? But they are quick to add junk? Life is like that. We often leave out the important details and insert the junk.

I continued on in July preparing for my Birthday Fundraiser at Via Della Pace here in the East Village. Cathy and I headed out into the neighborhood in search of kind-hearted business owners who would donate a service for the Event. We got many, “you need to come back and talk to the manager. She’ll be back next week.” HUH? You don’t have a manager on duty? Who’s in charge? Ah!, yes, Code Word for “Move On”. But what really surprised us with how many, “Of Course!” responses we got. Emilio Antonio, the hair salon I go to gave us a Cut & Style with the owner; Element Nail Salon, a Lavender Mani/pedi; Scent, a fragrance Shop gave a basket of goodies; The Body Shop not only gave one basket ~ they gave us TWO! Cathy’s boss, Dr. Oudalak gave his services of an Evaluation (including Xrays) and a 30 minute massage; my acupuncturist during Chemo, Jackie Payne, offered up an evaluation and 1st treatment; David Barton Gym gave 2 week long passes to the gym, as did Dolphin Gym; a friend donated a nice bottle of Rosè; but the donation of the day came from North Start Tattoo. We were walking back from our successful haul of donations and I saw the Tattoo Parlor, and had one of those crazy ideas I get from time to time. I looked at Cathy and said, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could get a Pink Ribbon Tattoo donated? I bet some of the younger guests might go for it! What’s the worst thing that could happen? We’d be laughed out of the Store.” So off we went on our Wild Hair mission ~ Get a Pink Ribbon Tattoo! I had never been into a tattoo parlor, though always curious as to why people feel the need to mark their bodies with stories only they would understand. The Illustrated Man jumped to my mind. We were greeted with warmth and smiles. “Uh-oh, here is where they laugh and say, ‘Leave this sacred place, you “untattooed” women.” But no, they listened with intent and immediately said, “I don’t think that will be a problem. I do ribbon tattoos all the time, mostly yellow for the soldiers, but I’ll make it any color you want. Just let me check with my partner, but I’m pretty sure the answer will be yes.” So we left elated having succeeded in doing what we thought would be impossible.

During the month, I had to go to Los Angeles to visit Sarah. It was a good visit, filled with both tense moments and fun. The air conditioner in her apartment was down, and had been for months. A heatwave was visiting as well, so when we opened the door to the apartment, I met my roommate, a Wall of Stale Heat! This roommate sucked the air right out of your lungs. I spent the night on the balcony, slamming it down “old school” on a Bean Bag Chair, in my underwear, with a wet towel over me, and a wet wash cloth on my head. By the morning, the heat of the night had turned cool, and I awoke cold and damp. A welcomed event. Off we went to do what needed to be done, and out of respect for my daughter, the details are off-limits. The day was long and stressful and exhausting. I returned to the apartment and turned to the Gohonzon and chanted and made a lot of diamonds ~ tears in front of it. A difficult day, and tension between Mother and Daughter, makes for days full of tears. Not to say I felt defeated, I didn’t, at all. Sometimes you just have to cry hard to let it go. Later I escaped the heat of the apartment, after complaining about the condition of the A/C to management. Sarah thought she’d have to pay for the repairs. I met Sarah and Matt for dinner, and the day turned around into a lovely evening where we spoke of nothing in particular and played a daring game of Jenga! I thought for sure I’d tumble the blocks, but to my surprise I didn’t. Some of the Jenga blocks did end up in the Queso though. We laughed and enjoyed ourselves.

The rest of the time, was spent doing Business and visiting with friends from all areas of my life: High School, College, and work. The business stuff, mundane, but met very interesting wonderful people, that I’m glad to have met, and will help Sarah and me manage her finances. Sarah signed a lease on a house. I saw the house, beautifully renovated, with a yard for Barkley. Safe neighborhood, quiet street. Ask me where it is, and you’ll get nothing from me. I visited with my friend from High School, Greg, who works for Disney in the Imagination Division. So many memories flooded back for both of us. Time flew by and soon he had to get back to work, and I had to meet the next on the list. Burt and Teri. What can I say about Burt? We go back too many years, and too many beers. We toured together with the Nebraska Theater Caravan, back in the day. Burt looks like he could rip your head off and spit down your throat, but he is one of the gentlest, kindest, smartest guys I know. A heart of gold and a laugh that is distinctly “Burt”. A laugh that you could hear in any crowd and you’d say, “Burt is here, somewhere.” Teri, his wife, hobbled along in a foot boot. Major surgery on her foot, ugh! I was so nervous about her foot making contact with anything because her toe had pins sticking out the end. It makes my stomach cringe and my own toe ache just to think of it. But her spirit soon lifted you away from the crisis in her life, and on to better conversations. At the end of the day, I reflected on just how many wonderful people I have in my life, and though it may seem weird to say this, Breast Cancer has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I snapped me back in place, about who I am, and how I fit into this world. I’m not just a mom, wife, back scenes person. I am a great person because of the people I have as friends; all really great people, and the common thread is how compassionate and caring and funny they all are. They say Birds of a Feather Flock Together. Well, I flock with some pretty great people. To be able to pick up as if 2, 15, 30 years is only a few days or weeks is the sign of a solid friendship. My friends are diverse, no two are similar in any way, but one; they are Good People. I spent the next day with Guy and Peggy. Our afternoon slipped away with laughter and fantastic food made from the garden in their backyard. Soon, it was time to go, and I can’t wait to get back to LA to see them again. At 6:30am on Sunday morning, I got a call from Sarah, “We went to Santa Monica to watch the Sun rise, and we thought ‘Let’s take mom to Disneyland. Want to go?” Bleary with sleep, I jumped at the chance to spend time with my daughter and her boyfriend. So off we headed to Disneyland and spent the day on the best rides, leaving the rest behind. The kids hit every shop looking for ‘Chasers’ and trading Vinylmations for others Matt didn’t have. It is addicting and I even found myself getting caught up in the frenzy for the moment. After lunch at the Rainforest Cafè, we hit the Park for a couple more rides and then headed out, each to their next moment; me to my friend Kathy’s for dinner, and Sarah & Matt for dinner out with friends at a BBQ place they love. My dinner with Kathy, although I was a bit late, was scrumptious and the company even better. Kathy surprised me with another College friend, Jan whom I haven’t seen since she graduated the year before me. We spent the evening remembering college and how we often thought, “...and my dad is spending all this money for me to learn how to paint aF*CKING FENCE!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?” We howled with laughter, and spent the evening catching up. I met with a dear friend I met at Actor’s Theater of Louisville, Matt. He is a screenwriter now, and as dear and as sweet and as jovial as he ever was. His energy and spirit lift you up. You cannot escape being happy around Matt.

I can’t wait to return and spend time with my friends and check out the new house and what the kids have added to make it their own. When Ian and I go back out to visit, I’m sure it will be a great time. You can only focus on the heavy side of life so long, and it just is better to focus on the things that really matter; family, friends, and love.

May you be as blessed as I am. If only I could spend more time with all of my friends.

July was like the California Screamin’ Rollercoaster, full of twists and turns, ups and downs, but when the ride was over, all you could remember was how much fun it was.

Light and Love!

Melissa

P.S. August is next. Stay tuned.......

AUGUST 19, 2010

Birthdays, and Mammos, and Trips....Oh My!!!

August started with the craziness of getting ready for my Birthday Fundraiser for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. As I prepared for the finishing touches for the Fundraiser, Cathy and I took a day to find donations for the Raffle. We were met with surprising success. Her boss, Dr. Taras Odulak, chiropractor in the East Village, donated his services for a Wellness Basket. A free evaluation with x-rays, and a 30 minute massage I got Tony at Emilio Antonio’s (where I get my hair done, shaved off, and now kept short) donated a haircut with Tony, the owner, for the Beauty Basket. My acupuncturist, Jackie Payne donated a free evaluation and treatment for the Wellness Basket, and now we needed to fill out the rest of each basket. With Avon Walk for Breast Cancer letters in hand we headed out into the heat of the day. Most of the manicure places said, “you need to speak with the manager or owner” Code for, Not interested. But we did find one place, Element, that I was lucky enough to find the owner right there. She was in the hot seat. She tried to not understand English, but that quickly fell apart. So she agreed to the donation of a mani/pedi. When Cathy went later that week to pick up the gift card, the owner had added a lavender leg and foot massage to the package. We next hit up The Body Shop and Bath & Body. Both said we’d have to contact corporate, but as we spoke with Louise at the The Body Shop, we became common people on common ground. Her cousin is doing the Walk in October, too. So after speaking about how many women Avon Foundation helps, she made up her mind to ask corporate herself and even if they said no, she’d make up a basket for us anyway. Cathy picked up the Basket the day before the 10th and not only got a basket from Corporate, she got one from Louise, herself. Beautiful baskets, chock full of aromatherapy, and feeling pretty lotions and potions. Cathy was able to acquire Gym Passes for 2 for a week at David Barton Gym and Dolphin Gym. We got another basket from Scent in the East Village. But the best moment was looking down 7th St, looking at Cathy and saying, “I just had a crazy idea. Let’s go ask North Star Tattoo if they would be willing to donate a Pink Ribbon Tattoo? What’s the worst thing they’ll do? Laugh us out of the building.” So off we went, believing that we had truly lost our minds. We entered the Tattoo shop and were met by the nicest group of artists I have ever met. We explained about the Birthday Fundraiser and why I was doing this. We asked them if they would think about donating, and right away we got “We do Ribbons all the time; mostly yellow, but we can make it any color you want.” David showed us the ribbon he usually creates and said, it wouldn ‘t be a problem, but would have to get the okay of the co-owner. He left it with, “Don’t worry, not a problem.” The tattoo was acquired. Fern, Cathy’s friend for life, donated a bottle of Rosé, and with that we had completed the baskets for the Raffle.

My next hurdle was to find a dress to wear. I don’t have any clothing that really fits anymore because of the weight loss, so I searched high and low. Nordstroms, Macy’s, Filenes, TJMax, Daffys, on and on I searched to no avail. I finally decided that I would look at Ann Taylor Loft. I took Ed with me as my outside eyes. He liked everything I put on. This is why we bring our girlfriends to go shop. Guys are afraid to tell it like it is. Girlfriends aren’t. Thank goodness for the gals at Ann Taylor. Young vivacious gals with a true sense of style. We were able to narrow the field of 6 dresses down to 2, and then it became very difficult to decide. So Ed ended it with, “Get both.” I was floored! I think in reality he was just wanting to leave, and that was the easiest solution. lol

I had my dress, I had the Restaurant, I had the guest list, I had the raffles, now I just needed the party gift bags, the raffle tickets, and the day to come. My birthday. Somehow, I had managed to make it to 49 years of age. How did I do that? I beat Breast Cancer back with a mighty stick, and lots of diamoku, and the support of my friends close, far away, new, old, on FB and off. I learned a lot about caring about me this past year, and just how important it is to be true to oneself in order to be a shinning example of how to be, not what not to be. My faith deepened, my compassion grew, my fighting spirit was fed, a lot.

August 10th came and with it the nerves of the first mammogram and sonogram after last year’s devastating discovery. I chose to do the mammo and sono on my birthday (present to myself) to prove that I had nothing to fear. I was fine until I sat in the car on the way up to Langone. I looked at Ed and said, “I’m not going to lie. I’m really suddenly very nervous.” Ed took my hand, and said, “You are fine.” Ed dropped me off and had to go an audition; so I was on my own. I stepped off the elevator and signed in. The room full of women waiting in various degrees of anticipation ranging from chill to anxious. I sat somewhere in between. I chanted in my head, and soon the nerves passed. My name called, the familiar curtained changing room. The only locker left...Lucky #13. I sat in the inner waiting room, glad that Ed hadn’t come. Me in one room, Ed on the outside, wondering when it would be over for me, worrying that it was taking too long, there must be something wrong; not knowing that the time was spent waiting, waiting, waiting.......

An older woman entered the inner waiting room using a cane hospital gown wide open; unaware that the “girls” were on parade. Nervous talk from her. All weird jokes, too cold, too hot, too too...The women in the room notched up another level of uncomfortable. Could they not see that she was afraid? Most there for the annual mammo and always getting the good news. The women who listened to this elder were clearly those who have been on Cancer’s path. We comforted her, assisted, gave up our seats so she could sit in the “warm spot”. Helped her to the bathroom, laughed at her bad jokes, and took our minds off of our own fears. Finally, I was called to the squish room. Met with a friendly face and an apology for the first squish after surgery and radiation, I entered into the “unknown”. How much would it actually hurt the right side? Would I cry? Would there be anything there? After much manipulation of my carved up right breast and the fun decorations making my nipple and the multiple scars, I hear the usual, “Don’t breathe, hold still, don’t move.” Then the check. I hold my breathe even though I don’t have to. The seconds feel like hours ticking in my head. “Breathe, Melissa, Breathe” I see the image of the decorations marking the scars. Everything looks good. So far, so good. Now the left side. Less pain, no issues, all good. Now, we have to go close. Yikes! The right side, O-U-C-H!!!! Why do they do the mammo just as the nerves are coming back to life? Seems a little sadistic. Back to the inner waiting room I go, to see if they need different angles and to wait for my sonogram. Again, more waiting....why is waiting part of this game? I get called, at last, for the sono, I get covered in goo, and off to the races we go. The scar is measured, the dark spot has me concerned at first, but the tech assures me it’s on fluid which is common after a lumpectomy. I’m so tired, I just want to nap. I get my wish. off the tech goes to show the Doc; I clean the goo off my body, yuck (need another shower). I sleep for who knows how long. I go to the “room” to get my results, and there on the wall are my films. The doctor has a huge smile on her face, she points out all the places where scar tissue has formed and tells me I am clean. Come back in 6 months for the right breast and a year for bi-lateral views and sono’s. I’m FREE! I’m CLEAN!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

Now, I can go off to the rest of my day relaxed and happy. I have last minute details to take care of for the party, I need a real nap. I need to eat. I did my training walk home from Langone with a huge smile on my face and a spring in my step. I called my mom, Cathy, Ed, sent texts as I walked. I had much to celebrate and be grateful for. I showered and dressed for the party, couldn’t find my makeup (at all) so only wore my pink feather tipped false eyelashes as my only form of doing up. Grab up all the bags I needed, and was a bit frustrated because all of the party favors I ordered, had not arrived yet. GRRRR. Pay extra for on time, and get it the day you want, but after the party is over. As I left the house, I knew tonight was going to be special. I bounded into Via Della Pace only to be met by Alvaro who said, ‘You can’t have the downstairs, there is a party of 8 coming at 7” Did I hear that correctly? No, I have the room for a party of 60! 60 trumps 8. I have had the room reserved since May. Alvaro opens the book and shows that MY RESERVATION has been scribbled out in thick pencil, even though it says, “Talk to Pietro before doing ANYTHING.” I hold my ground and politely say, the room is mine, it has been mine since May, the party of 8 will just have to sit upstairs. Where is the Daniel (the manager), Giovanni switch with Daniel tonight because of the party of 8. Where is Giovanni? Not here. Where is Pietro? Not here. Could it be? Yes! it is “Devilish Function” trying to bring me down off of my good day. Well, news flash! NOT TODAY!!! Call Pietro, he’ll confirm I have the room. The call goes straight to voice mail. ugh! Call Daniel ~ straight to voice mail. Call Giovanni ~ straight to voice mail. No manager, no owner, I hold my ground. I repeat, “I have the room, so you best go downstairs and start setting it up for 60 people.” Alvaro looks perplexed, not really knowing what to do. I call him President after his Country’s President Alvaro Uribe of Columbia. His cell goes off, and it’s Giovanni, saying he spoke with Pietro and Pietro has no recollection of every having spoken to me about this night. He never agreed to the 25% donation. I look at Alvaro, and speak with a straight voice. “Giovanni, is lying. Call Pietro.” He does, and it goes straight to voice mail, again. Alvaro makes his Presidential decision. He sides with me. Carlos, the bus boy, backs me up as I was there this past Saturday speaking to him about how to set up the room. Now things are rolling, guests are coming in and I are taking over the bar. Then a group of gentlemen come in and start downstairs. I stop them and apologize, but that room is reserved for a private party. Joe (I come to find out) looks confused and tells me the room is reserved, but for a party of 18, his party. I tell him, no, it is reserved for a party of 60, and was also reserved for a party of 8. More confusion and then we both realize that the party of 8 was his party of 18. We laugh and he is such a good sport, he tells me ladies first and large parties win over small. We all start talking as we all wait for the confusion to pass. It turns out that we all are there for the same thing. To raise Money for charity. Turns out they are a group of doctors who meet monthly and decide which charity they will support that month. One of the gentlemen has lived with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for 20 years. His name is Sam. We share a common bound with cancer, and he inspires me as I inspire him. Friendship is immediately forged. Then Joe asks what are the raffle tickets for. Ah ha! My raffle to go with my party! How much? $5 each or 5 for $20. When you get set up, come back upstairs and we’ll all buy some raffles. OMG!!!! Benefit out of adversity. A reward for remaining nice, but firm. I love my Birthday!

We are overrun with guests, and many have to eat upstairs, and a usually slow night at Via Della Pace turns into a packed house with a wait on a Tuesday night. Giovanni finally shows up, angry, guilty looking, and blows past me without even saying hello. As I sit visiting with guests, a friend comes up to me to tell me Gio is screaming in Italian at Pietro and it’s a good thing most people here don’t speak Italian. (She is Italian) I just laugh, I don’t care at all. The party is a success and he needs to get over it, because everyone is fine with how it worked out and the restaurant is making a lot of money, and so is the fund raiser. I go upstairs and each of the party of 18 give me $20 for raffles. One buys $50 worth. Then Gato Barbieri and his wife and son walk through to my party. Joe goes crazy! He is a sax player. I made his night. I return downstairs and my Avon Walk for Breast Cancer group come in and I’m so happy they could come. Someone makes me stop selling tickets and sit down to eat. So sit I do and eat while Cathy sells more tickets, Ed joins in, and Ian has lots of friends who come. Then Sarah’s friends show up. Feeny, Julianna, Joey, Coley, Jackie, Stephen. I only expected half of the group. To have Feeny and Julianna is an unexpected Joy! Coley I never anticipated. It was like having Sarah there. i’m so blessed to have Sarah’s friends in my life. the only way the group could have been better would have been to have Kia and Sarah there. Both working, Kia in Europe dancing, and Sarah filming in LA. I sit and marvel at the turnout. 8pm and it’s time for my speech. I share my deep appreciation for everyone being there and how supported I feel. My love of my new found Buddhism, and how much it helped me get through it all. I reminded people why I walk; not just for me, but in memory of Beverly Ruby, Lynn Redgrave....to help that one woman who sits on the floor of her shower wondering how she will pay for this with no money, no insurance, and no support. The woman who won’t go for help when she feels that lump, because she has no support. I want to raise enough money to give her a hand and raise her up and take her from mammogram to cure.

9pm comes and the raffle begins. Representatives from the party of 18 come downstairs to see if anyone from their table wins, and the drawing begins. My friend Rosemarie wins the first prize. The beautiful box from the Body Shop. Joey won the Beauty Basket and we all had a big laugh out of that. Imagine a young man winning beauty stuff. Too funny! The big winner of the night was Tara from Avon. She had lost out on the auction for the tattoo, but ended up winning the best prize. The Wellness package. Joey’s mom gave the top bid for the tattoo. The evening turned to birthday cake and wishes. We gave the rest of the cake (almost 1/2) to the staff at Via Della Pace. A delicious strawberry shortcake from Veniero’s. We all left happy, even Giovanni, who gobbled up the cake like a starving 5 year old. lol The night ended on a high note and a lot of women got mammos 15 to be exact if you think in terms of helping someone. Erin helped us home with all the goodies. Ian walked his friends Rafi and Harley home. Erin told me to hold on to the wigs. So when I know of someone who needs a wig, I’ll have them.

I went to bed exhausted but so happy. My birthday was perfection! even if I had bumps in the road, they were easily overlooked by the joy that filled the air. Good friends, good strangers, good food, and good fun. It doesn’t get better than that.

Part One of Two. Part Two Tomorrow

Light and Love!

Melissa