I've been so busy lately dancing, paperwork, feeling "normal" again, that I've forgotten to come here to blog. The medications have helped me a great deal. I'm sleeping better, my mood greatly improved, and my usual sunny outlook has returned. My hot flashes still happen but not at the horrendous rate of the past few months.
I was so nervous the day before my port removal yesterday. I took all that nervousness and put it into my chanting. I met Rose @ 8am for Soka Spirit, and again @ 3pm. In the morning I chanted yet again. Waiting for my name to be called, I chanted. Then when my name was called, I sat in my room waiting for the procedure and chanted more. I was not put under, just given a local. It was Freaky! I felt no pain, but definitely felt a lot of heavy duty tugging. First the catheter came out of my neck, tug tug, snip snip, tug tug snip snip...on and on. Then I asked, is it out? He said "Yes. Now for the port." HUH!? then the digging the tugging the snipping really began. At times he would pull on the port and my body would go with it. Very freaky! because I felt NO PAIN at all, but my brain knew it hurt like hell. I faced a wall, so could see nothing. At one point he put the towel over my eyes. (Just in case?) Finally, after what seemed hours (but really only 20 minutes or so) He held up the "Alien" that had been residing in my chest for nearly 8 months. It was much smaller than I had imagined. It was purple and triangular in shape, with a tail. His hands were stained with my blood, and the port was looking so harmless. It amazed me that this small device would cause so much discomfort when bumped or when the weather was cold and wet. I said, "Goodbye, Friend." and with that the port disappeared from view, never to be seen again. My blood pressure gauge quit working, and the nurse seemed upset about it, but I knew I was just fine. My heart rate was a steady 69-70 beats per minute. I was very proud of that. So as the tugging, snipping, slicing away at the scar tissue that had built up around the port over the past 7 1/2 months went on, I chanted in my head, to remain calm, to not feel the overwhelming urge to jump off the table and run. My heart rate remained steady and slow. Then the stitches went in. At one point I felt pain as the needle went through my skin. The doctor would stop and poke at my skin; I'd feel nothing. He'd continue and the pain would return. Strange. It was decided it was "transient" pain. Soon I was stitched up and rolled into Recovery. Ed was brought in, and together we finished the crossword puzzles as I waited to be given the okay to go home. My vitals strong, I was released early on good behavior, and I rewarded myself with a bagel from my favorite deli near the Hospital. We returned home and I headed to bed, and slept the rest of the day away; emerging once and a while to wander, take Tylenol and get water. The pain is more sore from the digging than the actual cutting of my skin.
Today, the pain is better, but still I am so sore. I can't move my arm without a lot of pain, so I only use my arm from the elbow down. The trans dermal tape that holds the compression bandage in place itches at the borders. My body doesn't like adhesive of any kind. I can't wait for Thursday when I can take it off and look at my newest battle scar. I am one step closer to saying goodbye to cancer. The port is gone, and only 9 more Herceptin treatments remain.
I move closer to my end date of treatment with great joy. I have raised just over $2500 for the Avon Walk in October and still have a lot of time to raise more. I have a fund-raiser coming up for friends and family in NYC at Cafe Della Pace on 7th ST & 2nd Ave. I'm hoping that I will be able to do this on August 10th, my 49th birthday. The owner has generously agreed to give me a % of the night's profits to the Walk. So I'll keep you posted on the date. It's a way to enjoy a wonderful dinner with friends and give passively to the Avon Walk. Also, I'll be there with Ed and Ian (Sarah will have to be in LA =/) to celebrate my birthday, so be sure to come and celebrate with me.
That's it for now, I need to rest, my surgery site is nagging at me.
Nite!
Light and Love!
Melissa
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