AVON WALK EXPO

June 26, 2010

Okay, I know I said I'd be better at blogging. Sorry. June was a crazy busy month. I've been fund-raising and training for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, and things are going well on both fronts. So far I've raised $4,805.00! this is just from sending out emails and letters. I still have my Birthday Fund-raiser on August 10th at Via Della Pace here in the East Village. The address is 48 E. 7th St @ 2nd Ave (SE corner). Come have dinner on my 49th Birthday and Via Della Pace will donate 25 % of that date's GROSS!!! I'll be there all night celebrating the fact that I'm still here. The food is great, the wine is great, the company is priceless! Great Italian food, real Italian food. You eat, drink, be merry, and passively donate to the Walk. It doesn't get any better than that. I will also have a basket of great stuff (why do I keep using that word, great?) but really it'll be great! I'll post soon what will be in the basket, but remember...my daughter is on Modern Family....just saying. Haven't decided what the raffle price will be, I'll figure that out when I finalize the basket. You don't have to be there to win. So if you can't come, you can still buy raffles and win. I'll send it to you or you can pick it up from me. So stayed tuned! =D

On to the Training Walk and the Avon Walk Expo. On June 19th I lured two of my teammates into doing the training walk. SIX MILES!!! in Central Park. It was a beautiful day, hot, but once in the park the trees made it cooler. Our Walk Leader immediately got us lost! lol So we doubled back and that ended up adding an extra mile to our walk. So in total we did 7 miles. It got a little hard at around 5 miles, but we all pushed through and made it. I was the first to arrive in my group. Ed and Ian were there to greet us at the doors of the Running Company. Soon the store filled up with many women and men who were training for many different reasons. I had been asked to speak to the group along with a woman who has done the Walk since 2002! What a warrior she is. She walks for her mother. She gave a lot of advice about the do's and don'ts and inspired us all. Then I was up next. What an act to follow! But I spoke from my heart. My diagnosis, my determination to do the walk, and then for Beverly. I did well until I got to Bev. The reality of losing someone who was there for me when she was fighting for her own life hit; it hit us all. I spoke of my HER2 + status, and the fact that I will finish treatment 10 days after the walk. A cheer broke out. I spoke to the donations I have raised so far and invited everyone to come to the party on the 10th. I explained why I had named my team "Never Stop Moving" in honor to my Dance Teacher, the amazingly fabulous Luigi. And asked them all to take a moment and send a prayer for his complete recovery from a series of mini-strokes he had only days before. I ended my speech with "We must Never Stop Moving, Moving towards the cure for Breast Cancer!"

There were workshops on training, packing for the event, tips on how to decorate your tent so you can find it in the middle of the night, fund raising tips, and intro meetings so people could sign up right there. They also had a raffle, and although I came painfully close to winning a couple of times, we always cheered for the winners. It was a joyful day, and I met two women who approached me after I spoke and introduced themselves as HER 2 + survivors. At last, I met women who had the same type of cancer. We bonded immediately. Both free of the disease for 2 & 3 years now. It gives me such hope and encouragement for my future. Ed, long gone for home with aching knees and Cathy and MaryAnn off for the day, Ian and I bought hats, and Ian got a shirt from the The Running Company, and decided to walk from 63rd and 3rd Ave to Union Square. We had a wonderful time just walking together and enjoyed the day. We parted at Union Square and went to the SGI to chant, go to the meeting I was late for and then walked home with Rose. I took a rest, a shower, ate, and then we were off once again on a walk to SoHo where Ed had his closing night of 5 Genocides. Met up with friends and ran into my and Ed's commercial agent who had not seen me since I had lost my hair and scarves or wigs were my hair. He loved my hair and I told him that this was it, so if they didn't want to send me out anymore I'd understand. I was pleasantly surprised that Doug loved the idea of me keeping the look. Then suddenly, he said, "I think I might have an audition for you. Let me get back to you on Monday and see if it's isn't too late." A Nurse Jackie look. OOHHH!!! So we had a fabulous evening and grabbed a late night meal with MaryAnn, Jackie, and Richard. Then we WALKED home.

In the morning I put in my path throughout the day. 14 Miles! in one day. It was then I realized I can do this walk. I did a half marathon in one day. Not all at the same time, but in one day. I wasn't worn out, I did it!

I did get to audition for the commercial, and it went well. Whether or not I get a callback really doesn't matter. What matters is I am back. My first audition since pulling myself off the market back in August of '09.

Went to see George Lopez at Radio City and got to meet him and speak to him about his kidney transplant and the Foundation he has formed for kids with kidney disease, dialysis, and transplants. This man is an inspiration to the world. If we had more people like this in the world, we could find cures, bring smiles, and save lives. My face still hurts this morning from laughing and smiling so much.

So I have flexed a lot of muscles this month. Met amazing women and heard inspirational stories. Raised money, and knocked off two more Herceptin treatments. Paid bills, miracle!, lost a good friend to Breast Cancer, almost lost my mentor in dance (thank God Luigi is getting better), made major decisions (too complicated to get into), met a true hero, and today, I will chant for quite a while at the SGI Center to show appreciation for this amazing practice and what it has done for my life, and chant for my daughter's continuing health, my hubby, my son, my family, for those who have left us and for those who battle on. That's my day. Tomorrow, I'll top it off with a Mets vs. Twins game. I am ALIVE!!!!! Life's annoyances are merely that. I have the most wonderful friends and family. Isn't that what it's all about? The money always somehow finds a way to us to keep us afloat. I can't worry about the growing medical debt, it'll get paid off somehow someway someday.

Go enjoy your life! Live your life! Go for a walk, see a movie (Toy Story 3) and make sure to tell the people you love "I LOVE YOU!" Life is short. Make the most of it.

If you'd like to make a donation to me for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer go to:

avonwalk.org/goto/MelissaCanaday

Light and Love!

Melissa!

LOSS OF A BRAVE WARRIOR

June 6, 2010 Sunday

I know I haven't been blogging, sorry, but I've been focusing on just me for the past month. I realized once I had been on the Effexor for a while that I had been depressed for longer than I thought. So I took a step back and decided to reflect on what has passed over the last 10 months to me and really look at it for what it was. I was so busy "fighting" that I forgot about me, again. Once the "fighting" ebbed, I was left a sea, far under the water not knowing which way was up. It wasn't until I met with the Doctor that I was able to get a direction to move in.

I am sleeping so much better, the hot flashes, though still present, aren't as frequent, and my ability to cope with the usual ups and downs of Life is so much better. I actually did a lot of paperwork one day, and at the end of the day, I was so happy that I got so much done. I had "enjoyed" myself. That was a break through day. I've been working on training for teh Avon Walk in October, and entertained for 5 days the newest member of our family, Barkley, Sarah's new puppy. Sarah and Matt came in near the end of May, and we had a terrific week together. I puppy sat Barkley with Ed and Ian when Matt and Sarah headed off to see Broadway shows and visit with her friends. Barkley had his first experience at the Dog Park, and wore himself out having a blast with all the other small dogs. He is a Malti-poo and the cutest thing on Earth. And a good thing too, because he really liked to pee on my carpet! He is only a puppy though and he started to get it just in time to leave.

So they left with puppy in tow for LA and left us to our usual way of life. Matt is wonderful! I'm so happy that Sarah has him in her life. What a blessing.

On a sadder note, My FB Breast Angel, Beverly Ruby, lost her battle with Breast Cancer metastasis to the Brain and Lung. She was an amazing woman with the heart of a Warrior. She was only 45 years old, and fought to the bitter end. I will miss her encouragement. She helped me through a dark period of time. Beverly, Ruth, and I had a triangle of strength, and Ruth and I now walk with Beverly in our hearts. Ruth is doing the Chicago Avon Walk right now (her second day of the walk) Ruth knew her so much better than I and I know this had to be difficult for her. I am so PROUD of you Ruth for making it through this Walk. I carried you in my heart yesterday and today, sending you strength and energy. Beverly loved Dolphins and considered herself a bit of a mermaid. So Beverly, you are free now to return to the sea and swim with the Dolphins. Free of pain, free of suffering, free of Cancer. WE carry on for you, fighting and winning and raising awareness and funds to help women with no access to Health Care or money to pay for the treatments they need. We continue to raise funds to find THE CURE. There is one, it will be found, and we will find it.

I am doing a fund-raiser for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer on Tuesday, August 10th (my 49th Birthday) @ Via Della Pace 48 E. 7th ST in NYC (East Village). Come have dinner and 25% of your tab with go to the Avon Walk, thanks to Pietro, the owner. The food is wonderful, the wines are great, the company and the celebration Priceless. This is a Cash Only restaurant, so bring your dollars. (they do have an ATM machine). lol I am also trying to get a basket of goodies to raffle off. I am hoping to get a basket of "Be Good To Yourself" stuff, such as massage, mani/pedi, hair style, chiropractic, etc... Hope to see you there, so mark that calendar.

I am closing in on my new goal of $5400.00 at the Avon Walk, I only need $1,055.00 to meet that mark. I have formed a team, NEVER STOP MOVING. I have 3 wonderful women to walk with me. Cathy, Amy, and MaryAnn. I really want to raise a ton of money. My wild goal would be to raise enough to help one woman go from Mammogram all the way to the end of treatment. It is a tough and ambitious goal, but we are going to try our best!

So if you want to donate, go to Avonwalk.org/goto/MelissaCanaday, to donate to me or

Avonwalk.org/goto/CatherineBarna, Avonwalk.org/goto/AmyCavenaugh, or Avonwalk.org/MaryAnnReilly. To donate to anyone of these sites is to help us achieve our goal.

I'll be better at posting now, I promise. I only have 7 Herceptin Treatments to go. I can see the end and it looks so positive.

Light and Love,

Melissa

WHAT'S GOIN ON...

May 8, 2010 Saturday

My past week was spent healing. I'm bruised and still sore on Saturday from my port removal on Monday. I will say though, the soreness is much less, I still have a great deal of tenderness. As each day passed I found I could do a little bit more around the house. So slowly, I am getting the house that has gone to "paper"weed cleaned up. I was able to do a lot of work on my Avon Walk fund-raising though. I addressed many envelopes and sent out many requests for sponsors. I met my $1800 minimum in just over 24 hours, so I feel a great sense of accomplishment. I met with the Owner of Cafe Della Pace here in my neighborhood and he has generously agreed to donate 25% of August 10th, 2010's dinner gross to the Avon Walk. Let me tell you something, this man is one of the most sincere generous loving men alive. And to top off the fact that I adore him for that, his food is wonderful! It is easily my favorite restaurant to go to here in NYC. The prices are reasonable, and the food is authentic. When you walk in you feel as if you have been transported to Italy. Chic and small with two levels of dinning, this restaurant is hopping on the weekends. The staff are friendly and whenever I walk by they always wave hello! I've had two birthday parties with Peitro at two different restaurants, both for my daughter and her friends. I've done a fund-raiser with the help of Peitro and Paulino for my daughter's school PPAS, where the kids had a cabaret night and performed for the crowd. It was a successful event. I have no doubt that this dinner will be no different. August 10th is my 49th Birthday, and I have a lot to celebrate. I'm still here for one thing. I am successful in beating back this Breast Cancer and am only months away from being done with treatment. I've already raised almost $3200 for the Walk and I'm just beginning. So much more to do. I want to get together a basket to raffle off for the Birthday Event. I need to come up with stuff for that to happen, perhaps a Trader Joe's gift card, WholeFoods Gift Card, Wine, something from the Avon Walk like a hat and shirt....I don't know yet, but it'll be great!

I don't want gifts for my birthday, I want donations for the Walk. So, if you can come to the restaurant on August 10th, please come, and bring your wallet, they are a CASH ONLY restaurant. Also, bring your Good Times hat and be sure to wear it! I hope we all have a great night. I only wish that my daughter, Sarah could be there, but she will filming the Second Season of Modern Family by that point. Sarah being there would be the only gift I would want to receive that isn't a donation.

So mark your calendars and come have dinner, and know that by enjoying a great meal you will be passively giving a donation to the Avon Walk.

Happy Mother's Day to all those MOMs out there. We are a special breed, and need once a year to remember that we really do matter in the world. Hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow.

Light and Love!

Melissa

PORT REMOVAL

May 4, 2010 Tuesday

I've been so busy lately dancing, paperwork, feeling "normal" again, that I've forgotten to come here to blog. The medications have helped me a great deal. I'm sleeping better, my mood greatly improved, and my usual sunny outlook has returned. My hot flashes still happen but not at the horrendous rate of the past few months.

I was so nervous the day before my port removal yesterday. I took all that nervousness and put it into my chanting. I met Rose @ 8am for Soka Spirit, and again @ 3pm. In the morning I chanted yet again. Waiting for my name to be called, I chanted. Then when my name was called, I sat in my room waiting for the procedure and chanted more. I was not put under, just given a local. It was Freaky! I felt no pain, but definitely felt a lot of heavy duty tugging. First the catheter came out of my neck, tug tug, snip snip, tug tug snip snip...on and on. Then I asked, is it out? He said "Yes. Now for the port." HUH!? then the digging the tugging the snipping really began. At times he would pull on the port and my body would go with it. Very freaky! because I felt NO PAIN at all, but my brain knew it hurt like hell. I faced a wall, so could see nothing. At one point he put the towel over my eyes. (Just in case?) Finally, after what seemed hours (but really only 20 minutes or so) He held up the "Alien" that had been residing in my chest for nearly 8 months. It was much smaller than I had imagined. It was purple and triangular in shape, with a tail. His hands were stained with my blood, and the port was looking so harmless. It amazed me that this small device would cause so much discomfort when bumped or when the weather was cold and wet. I said, "Goodbye, Friend." and with that the port disappeared from view, never to be seen again. My blood pressure gauge quit working, and the nurse seemed upset about it, but I knew I was just fine. My heart rate was a steady 69-70 beats per minute. I was very proud of that. So as the tugging, snipping, slicing away at the scar tissue that had built up around the port over the past 7 1/2 months went on, I chanted in my head, to remain calm, to not feel the overwhelming urge to jump off the table and run. My heart rate remained steady and slow. Then the stitches went in. At one point I felt pain as the needle went through my skin. The doctor would stop and poke at my skin; I'd feel nothing. He'd continue and the pain would return. Strange. It was decided it was "transient" pain. Soon I was stitched up and rolled into Recovery. Ed was brought in, and together we finished the crossword puzzles as I waited to be given the okay to go home. My vitals strong, I was released early on good behavior, and I rewarded myself with a bagel from my favorite deli near the Hospital. We returned home and I headed to bed, and slept the rest of the day away; emerging once and a while to wander, take Tylenol and get water. The pain is more sore from the digging than the actual cutting of my skin.

Today, the pain is better, but still I am so sore. I can't move my arm without a lot of pain, so I only use my arm from the elbow down. The trans dermal tape that holds the compression bandage in place itches at the borders. My body doesn't like adhesive of any kind. I can't wait for Thursday when I can take it off and look at my newest battle scar. I am one step closer to saying goodbye to cancer. The port is gone, and only 9 more Herceptin treatments remain.

I move closer to my end date of treatment with great joy. I have raised just over $2500 for the Avon Walk in October and still have a lot of time to raise more. I have a fund-raiser coming up for friends and family in NYC at Cafe Della Pace on 7th ST & 2nd Ave. I'm hoping that I will be able to do this on August 10th, my 49th birthday. The owner has generously agreed to give me a % of the night's profits to the Walk. So I'll keep you posted on the date. It's a way to enjoy a wonderful dinner with friends and give passively to the Avon Walk. Also, I'll be there with Ed and Ian (Sarah will have to be in LA =/) to celebrate my birthday, so be sure to come and celebrate with me.

That's it for now, I need to rest, my surgery site is nagging at me.

Nite!

Light and Love!

Melissa

LIFE WITH EFFEXOR

April 27, 2010 Tuesday

It's been several days of being on Effexor. My hot flashes have been greatly reduced, and with the help of a tiny dose of Ambien, I'm sleeping better. My mood has greatly improved. I feel closer to myself than ever. I met with the Shrink on Friday, and not surprised to learn that I have "issues". Well, who doesn't? I have been given homework and the big one is to learn to let Sarah deal with her medical issues in her way. I can't change her, but I won't be joining her. I will agree to disagree. It is, after all, her life. So... already our relationship is better.

Ed and I got away for the weekend, and went to Yale. Ed did a special reading of "Diary of an Infidel" Don't look for it coming to theatres any time soon. It was interesting, but lacks the ability to transfer from book to stage. We stayed at a Hotel that was pretty sad. I won't mention the name, but it was comically scary. We entered our "suite" and the couch faced the microwave. So I guess we could have watched popcorn pop. the bathroom had, for all human purposes, no hot water. The old charm of the room had been replaced with second-hand furnishings, and 70's "textured" ceilings with huge cracks and bulges. We began to pray that the rain predicted would not be heavy, for we truly thought the ceiling might fall if the rain was heavy. We had a TV so that was a saving grace. The elevator was over 100 years old and it's cables looked to be the same. It was a hand operated elevator, fun, but as the elevator operators shifted out they became increasingly odder. The last operator was a slim older man who was the only one to wear a "uniform"; black pants, Short sleeved white shirt, and a maroon polyester box vest. Shriveled with age and sporting a Beatles' style wig in light brown he appeared more of a character in a horror spoof than an employee. Of course, the other actors had been put up in a Bed and Breakfast, and had comfortable lodging and a full breakfast. Why we pulled the short straw is anyone's guess. But at least we didn't have to pay for it. None-the-less, we made the most of it, and had a great time just being together without kids calling and the pressures of the outside world pushing in.

The grounds at Yale are impressive, and had the weather been more co-operative we would have spent more time wandering around the area.

I went back to dance yesterday, and though I was tight from lack of dance for a couple of weeks, I had a great time. I had tea with my gal pals from dance and then walked all the way home with a couple of detours along the way. I walked in the rain and even though I discovered a hole in the bottom of my rain boot that soaked my left foot, I had a very relaxing time. I considered it my training for the Avon Walk.

I have a commitment from our favorite restaurant to give me a percentage of the profits for one night. This is great! I know it will be a big donation for the walk. So when we figure out which night, I'll let you all know and please come that night to support the cause.

So now that I've gotten some real sleep, I am feeling better and look at my world and don't feel so overwhelmed.

Fewer hot flashes, better sleep = a "normal" me

Nite!

Light and Love!

Melissa

SHRINK DAY

April 23, 2010 Friday

I see the Shrink today for my assessment. I am getting help today. I look forward to it. I started the meds on Wednesday night and already the hot flashes over night have been greatly reduced. I didn't sleep well the first night; a lot of tossing and turning, but at least I didn't flash every 30-40 minutes. Last night, I had a couple of bad flashes, but I slept a little bit better. So perhaps with time and the adjustment of the effexor I'll find the balance to sleep and not flash over night.

I'm so tired, the lack of sleep has taken its toll on me. Physically, I ache, my head hurts, my eyes feel strained. I just don't want to move, I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. It's so multi-layered, not just the physical stuff but the worries about money (or the lack thereof), it just seems so hopeless somedays. Ed is trying so hard to find work and keeps coming up empty handed. Our savings are gone, and unemployment ... well... I'm worried, and If I'm worried, there is real cause for concern.

I don't mean to whine, but it's all I have right now. I chant and chant and try to stay positive, and will continue to do so. My port gets removed on May 3, don't know the time yet, I'll find that out on 4/30.

One less thing to worry about.

Life moves on, the sun is shinning, and the day beckons to me. Have a great healthy day!

Nite!

Light and Love!

Melissa

DEPRESSION

April 21, 2010 Wednesday

Well, it's been confirmed. I have chemical depression. I'm seeing the shrink on Friday to have it fully evaluated. All the nights of hot flashes keeping me awake, depriving me of precious sleep; the chemo drugs eating my brain; the stress of my life has pushed me down the Rabbit Hole. The good part of it all is that I had what I feared confirmed. I'm not nuts, just chemically messed up. Totally fixable. This is such a relief! I now understand my blues, my crying for no reason, my bursts of frustration!, my lack of energy and physical aches and pains.

Thank God!

It seemed the harder I tried to be happy and sunny, the deeper I'd dive. The uncontrollable blue I felt was inescapable. Thank God I have the team I have. Nip this right in the bud. I'm starting meds today, to help me sleep, stop the hot flashes, and hopefully make these crazy blues blow away with the wind. I feel very much like I've been grounded by Volcanic Ash. I just have to be patient and wait for the wind to shift and carry the toxic plume away. Much like the travelers (Matt) must do in London.

On a higher note, I went to my Intro meeting for the Avon Breast Cancer Walk last night. I am officially registered, and within the next couple of days I'll be able to build my web page so people can start to donate so I can walk in October. I need a minimum of $1800.00, so if all of my friends donate just $20 I'll get there in no time!

I'm going to start training in May and walk my little butt off to get ready for October. I have some friends who want to join me and I would love to have a big 'ol team. Here is the scoop, if you want to be on my team, you have to register as well and you will need to raise $1800.00 as well. If you do join my team and you are having trouble getting the donations and I've met mine, I will ask donors to donate to your page. It's no different if it's to me or you or anyone else. The idea is to raise as much moola as possible to stop Breast Cancer in it's tracks. It comes in many forms, so it's hard to nail it down. So more and more money is needed.

I would like to name my team "Never Stop Moving" in honor of my dear sweet Luigi, my dance teacher, my mentor in life, and loving friend. So if you want to join me, let me know. You can register for $65 or if you go to an intro meeting you can register for $45. I have forms. If you can't walk for any reason, that's okay, because you can support me and the team by donating. Any amount is welcome. Large or small. Doesn't matter.

This walk = my kicking Cancer out the door. Help me kick it's ugly ass as far away from me as possible.

Still fighting, still dancing, still walking, to honor all that have come before me and survived. For those who still fight, and those who have lost the fight. For those who will be given bad news. I fight. I fight for me.

Nite!

Light and Love!

Melissa