It's been several days since my last blog. My last radiation was Friday, as you know, and the weekend was spent sleeping and if not sleeping then being exhausted. Radiation has a way of sneakily taking your legs out from underneath you. It seems strange that just laying on a table for a short period of time, listening to music, holding your arms and neck in an uncomfortable position can cause such exhaustion, but it does. It really does! My burn never really developed into much of the burn they described; I'm very thankful for that. Some minor itching, and a bit of a sunburn appearance, but nothing near what it could have been. It only gets really red when I have a hot flash, so my color pulses every couple of hours to a bright hot red for about 5 minutes. I can't even pretend to not have a hot flash because the flushing of skin gives me away; not to mention the ripping off of sweaters, scarves, and the profuse sweating from every pore on my body. Did I mention I HATE hot flashes?
My weekend was busy watching Ed move in a "new" wall unit. We acquired it from our neighbor's kids after their father passed away from Bladder Cancer a few months ago. He was a lovely man, and the best neighbor. Quiet and respectful. His grandchildren would come over on the weekends and we would let them play with Blue. Now, we have a piece of Ben to remember him by. I tried to help, but the exhaustion got the best of me, so I watched Ed elbow grease the residue of Ben's smoking habit from the finish of the furniture, lift these heavy units into place, and now I watch him place the books. Getting this Wall Unit has forced us to clean house, get rid of paperwork that has long since outlived it's purpose. It is a long process, but a needed one. SPRING CLEANING.
I did make it to Dance yesterday. I didn't know if I could make it through class, but I did! I was very proud of myself for lasting. Thank goodness Luigi chose a slow number. A fast paced tune always has lots of turns, and that would have done me in. I made it home and then it took hours to recover enough to go shopping at Trader Joe's. After that, I made a great dinner, ate and promptly went to bed. Every two hours I would wake up soaked in sweat, over-heating, and throwing off the covers, drinking water, visiting the bathroom, all stumbling in the dark, because I really wasn't fully awake. I gave up after 4:30's wake up sweat and trying to go back to sleep for an hour. My mind became full of the "what-if's". Money, jobs, and the big one, what happens if Ed doesn't qualify for coverage come August? COBRA! My God, we are drowning with the premium of being covered now, what will happen to us if we have to go on COBRA!? Bills, taxes.....that was it, I had to get up, and distract my mind from the "darkness" trying to take over. I sat in the darkness and chanted for Peace of Mind. Then I turned to my addiction....Farmville and Zoo on FaceBook. Now, with Ian off to school and Ed sleeping in before he goes off to a NON-PAYING reading up in New Rochelle for the day, I'm once again exhausted. I have an eye appointment today, so soon I'll have eyeglasses that will enable me to see correctly, and then I head across town to NYU Med for my Mugga Scan to make sure my heart is still alright. The herceptin can cause heart damage, but I'm feeling certain there is no damage done.
After I'm done with my tests, I'll come home, and Ian and I will decide what to do for dinner. After that...I'll snuggle down on the couch and watch Modern Family, and then head to bed to begin the dance with my partner...Hot Flash.
Did I mention that I hate Hot Flashes?
Nite!
Light and Love!
Melissa
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