I can't believe it's been since Wednesday that I posted a blog. The week got away from me.
Saturday is here, and I woke up to it at 4am, rather, I gave up trying to sleep at 4am. Hot flashes have become the bane of my existence these days. First, I freeze! then I overheat. Throw the covers off of me as if they are on fire, rip off the sweater, grab the glass of water to try to get rid of the dry mouth, next grab the tissue box and start mopping up the sweat. My skin flushes all over and most of all on my chest where the radiation has hit. Overheating makes my chest itch, so next I'll go to the bathroom and apply the Calendula lotion. It doesn't help with the itching, but it is cool. After the bathroom, I head to the kitchen and literally stick my head in the freezer. This ritual goes on for about 10- minutes. Then I'm awake. I go back to bed, my bedclothes slightly damp, and put my head down on the pillow, only to have to turn it over because it's damp and cold now. Then I get cold, and pile the bedding over me, and try to sleep. I drift off, and within the hour the routine starts up all over again. This morning I gave up on the routine and headed out to the living room. So here I've been since 4am surfing the web, playing Farmville, Zoo, etc...I fell asleep for an hour only to wake with a start thinking it was a school day. The house is all quiet, only Niki the cat is up with me. She sits on the new office chair we acquired when someone on our floor got rid of it, no doubt to upgrade to a fancier chair, because there is not one thing wrong with it. Niki sits and grooms and stares at the ceiling while I tap away at the keyboard. The weather man declares a 50 degree heat wave this weekend and this makes me so happy. Spring is on the way, for NYC and for me. My personal Winter is almost over, and Spring always follows Winter.
I finished my second week of radiation and now I'm 2/3 of the way done with it. I'm so glad I chose to do the Phase III trial. One more week and I can walk away from the bed that I pretend to be my "tanning bed". My burn is not bad. You can hardly tell I have a burn. Only when I flash can you really see it. I get the weekend off, and so I'll be happy. No weird positions making my neck and shoulder ache. I think of the other women who are at the center that must go on for the 6 weeks, I've seen the burns they carry. I'm hopeful that this trial I'm in will be able to reduce the amount of time women will have to spend on the "tanning bed". It makes so much sense to expose a woman's body this way. Only my breast gets the exposure. I lay face down with my breast through a cut out in the bed. The only draw back is the positioning of the neck and arms. But it's doable.
Today, I go to my Sophia meeting, a book club on The Human Revolution...then I meet Cathy to see Alice in Wonderland. Ah! Johnny Depp. I can't wait to walk up to Union Square in the sunshine and the warmth of 50 degree weather. It will be a long day, and I start it already tired, but I'm hopeful that the weather will give me energy.
My daughter flies to Hawaii tomorrow morning, and I wish I could go with her, just to soak up the warmth. She's grown up so fast, I miss the little girl that would curl up on my lap and sing with me, and when she'd fall asleep her curls would mash up in moist ringlets against her skin. Now all I have is my 6' son who snuggles up next to me and crushes me; so loving but much like Marmaduke. Soon that will be gone, too, and so I cling to the moments of snuggling even when it's uncomfortable, because I know those moments will be gone in a blink of an eye.
I ramble now. A clear sign of being over-tired.
Spring is coming, one more week of radiation, 12 more herceptin treatments and soon this will be done. I'll look back and think, "I made it."
Enjoy the weekend!
Nite!
Light and Love!
Melissa
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