August 14, 2010
CATCHING UP
Things have been hectic, to say the least. Catching up with Life is hard to do. I let some things slide, such as this Blog, to catch up with the things I let go to seed. I’ve been doing a lot of weeding of the paperwork I call “my Garden”. Entering invoices, payroll, medical info, et.al...
I have missed blogging and I know I’ve promised to do better, but somehow the call of Summer and Training for the Avon Walk have taken the majority of my time. So let me catch you all up on what’s been going on.
July was Heat-wave zone in NYC. I walked anyway. Clung to the shade of the City Buildings and wore my sunscreen and my walking hat. I’d try to do at least 6 miles every day. On the days that it was simply dangerous to be outside, I stayed in the coolness of my air-conditioned apartment, looking out over the haze of the City. On these days, I would do PAPERWORK! The most daunting of tasks. I’d sift through the piles of paper and cut checks, enter payroll (mostly Sarah’s), and separate receipts for the tax year. Then there would be the pile of recycle or shred. My poor paper shredder is feeling the load of the “to shred” pile. Mostly junk mail tossed to the side to deal with. It always amazes me how much extra paper is added to the important bills that must be paid. Why!?!?!?! And why do some companies send a bill but no return envelope? But they are quick to add junk? Life is like that. We often leave out the important details and insert the junk.
I continued on in July preparing for my Birthday Fundraiser at Via Della Pace here in the East Village. Cathy and I headed out into the neighborhood in search of kind-hearted business owners who would donate a service for the Event. We got many, “you need to come back and talk to the manager. She’ll be back next week.” HUH? You don’t have a manager on duty? Who’s in charge? Ah!, yes, Code Word for “Move On”. But what really surprised us with how many, “Of Course!” responses we got. Emilio Antonio, the hair salon I go to gave us a Cut & Style with the owner; Element Nail Salon, a Lavender Mani/pedi; Scent, a fragrance Shop gave a basket of goodies; The Body Shop not only gave one basket ~ they gave us TWO! Cathy’s boss, Dr. Oudalak gave his services of an Evaluation (including Xrays) and a 30 minute massage; my acupuncturist during Chemo, Jackie Payne, offered up an evaluation and 1st treatment; David Barton Gym gave 2 week long passes to the gym, as did Dolphin Gym; a friend donated a nice bottle of Rosè; but the donation of the day came from North Start Tattoo. We were walking back from our successful haul of donations and I saw the Tattoo Parlor, and had one of those crazy ideas I get from time to time. I looked at Cathy and said, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could get a Pink Ribbon Tattoo donated? I bet some of the younger guests might go for it! What’s the worst thing that could happen? We’d be laughed out of the Store.” So off we went on our Wild Hair mission ~ Get a Pink Ribbon Tattoo! I had never been into a tattoo parlor, though always curious as to why people feel the need to mark their bodies with stories only they would understand. The Illustrated Man jumped to my mind. We were greeted with warmth and smiles. “Uh-oh, here is where they laugh and say, ‘Leave this sacred place, you “untattooed” women.” But no, they listened with intent and immediately said, “I don’t think that will be a problem. I do ribbon tattoos all the time, mostly yellow for the soldiers, but I’ll make it any color you want. Just let me check with my partner, but I’m pretty sure the answer will be yes.” So we left elated having succeeded in doing what we thought would be impossible.
During the month, I had to go to Los Angeles to visit Sarah. It was a good visit, filled with both tense moments and fun. The air conditioner in her apartment was down, and had been for months. A heatwave was visiting as well, so when we opened the door to the apartment, I met my roommate, a Wall of Stale Heat! This roommate sucked the air right out of your lungs. I spent the night on the balcony, slamming it down “old school” on a Bean Bag Chair, in my underwear, with a wet towel over me, and a wet wash cloth on my head. By the morning, the heat of the night had turned cool, and I awoke cold and damp. A welcomed event. Off we went to do what needed to be done, and out of respect for my daughter, the details are off-limits. The day was long and stressful and exhausting. I returned to the apartment and turned to the Gohonzon and chanted and made a lot of diamonds ~ tears in front of it. A difficult day, and tension between Mother and Daughter, makes for days full of tears. Not to say I felt defeated, I didn’t, at all. Sometimes you just have to cry hard to let it go. Later I escaped the heat of the apartment, after complaining about the condition of the A/C to management. Sarah thought she’d have to pay for the repairs. I met Sarah and Matt for dinner, and the day turned around into a lovely evening where we spoke of nothing in particular and played a daring game of Jenga! I thought for sure I’d tumble the blocks, but to my surprise I didn’t. Some of the Jenga blocks did end up in the Queso though. We laughed and enjoyed ourselves.
The rest of the time, was spent doing Business and visiting with friends from all areas of my life: High School, College, and work. The business stuff, mundane, but met very interesting wonderful people, that I’m glad to have met, and will help Sarah and me manage her finances. Sarah signed a lease on a house. I saw the house, beautifully renovated, with a yard for Barkley. Safe neighborhood, quiet street. Ask me where it is, and you’ll get nothing from me. I visited with my friend from High School, Greg, who works for Disney in the Imagination Division. So many memories flooded back for both of us. Time flew by and soon he had to get back to work, and I had to meet the next on the list. Burt and Teri. What can I say about Burt? We go back too many years, and too many beers. We toured together with the Nebraska Theater Caravan, back in the day. Burt looks like he could rip your head off and spit down your throat, but he is one of the gentlest, kindest, smartest guys I know. A heart of gold and a laugh that is distinctly “Burt”. A laugh that you could hear in any crowd and you’d say, “Burt is here, somewhere.” Teri, his wife, hobbled along in a foot boot. Major surgery on her foot, ugh! I was so nervous about her foot making contact with anything because her toe had pins sticking out the end. It makes my stomach cringe and my own toe ache just to think of it. But her spirit soon lifted you away from the crisis in her life, and on to better conversations. At the end of the day, I reflected on just how many wonderful people I have in my life, and though it may seem weird to say this, Breast Cancer has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. I snapped me back in place, about who I am, and how I fit into this world. I’m not just a mom, wife, back scenes person. I am a great person because of the people I have as friends; all really great people, and the common thread is how compassionate and caring and funny they all are. They say Birds of a Feather Flock Together. Well, I flock with some pretty great people. To be able to pick up as if 2, 15, 30 years is only a few days or weeks is the sign of a solid friendship. My friends are diverse, no two are similar in any way, but one; they are Good People. I spent the next day with Guy and Peggy. Our afternoon slipped away with laughter and fantastic food made from the garden in their backyard. Soon, it was time to go, and I can’t wait to get back to LA to see them again. At 6:30am on Sunday morning, I got a call from Sarah, “We went to Santa Monica to watch the Sun rise, and we thought ‘Let’s take mom to Disneyland. Want to go?” Bleary with sleep, I jumped at the chance to spend time with my daughter and her boyfriend. So off we headed to Disneyland and spent the day on the best rides, leaving the rest behind. The kids hit every shop looking for ‘Chasers’ and trading Vinylmations for others Matt didn’t have. It is addicting and I even found myself getting caught up in the frenzy for the moment. After lunch at the Rainforest Cafè, we hit the Park for a couple more rides and then headed out, each to their next moment; me to my friend Kathy’s for dinner, and Sarah & Matt for dinner out with friends at a BBQ place they love. My dinner with Kathy, although I was a bit late, was scrumptious and the company even better. Kathy surprised me with another College friend, Jan whom I haven’t seen since she graduated the year before me. We spent the evening remembering college and how we often thought, “...and my dad is spending all this money for me to learn how to paint aF*CKING FENCE!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?” We howled with laughter, and spent the evening catching up. I met with a dear friend I met at Actor’s Theater of Louisville, Matt. He is a screenwriter now, and as dear and as sweet and as jovial as he ever was. His energy and spirit lift you up. You cannot escape being happy around Matt.
I can’t wait to return and spend time with my friends and check out the new house and what the kids have added to make it their own. When Ian and I go back out to visit, I’m sure it will be a great time. You can only focus on the heavy side of life so long, and it just is better to focus on the things that really matter; family, friends, and love.
May you be as blessed as I am. If only I could spend more time with all of my friends.
July was like the California Screamin’ Rollercoaster, full of twists and turns, ups and downs, but when the ride was over, all you could remember was how much fun it was.
Light and Love!
Melissa
P.S. August is next. Stay tuned.......
AUGUST 19, 2010
Birthdays, and Mammos, and Trips....Oh My!!!
August started with the craziness of getting ready for my Birthday Fundraiser for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. As I prepared for the finishing touches for the Fundraiser, Cathy and I took a day to find donations for the Raffle. We were met with surprising success. Her boss, Dr. Taras Odulak, chiropractor in the East Village, donated his services for a Wellness Basket. A free evaluation with x-rays, and a 30 minute massage I got Tony at Emilio Antonio’s (where I get my hair done, shaved off, and now kept short) donated a haircut with Tony, the owner, for the Beauty Basket. My acupuncturist, Jackie Payne donated a free evaluation and treatment for the Wellness Basket, and now we needed to fill out the rest of each basket. With Avon Walk for Breast Cancer letters in hand we headed out into the heat of the day. Most of the manicure places said, “you need to speak with the manager or owner” Code for, Not interested. But we did find one place, Element, that I was lucky enough to find the owner right there. She was in the hot seat. She tried to not understand English, but that quickly fell apart. So she agreed to the donation of a mani/pedi. When Cathy went later that week to pick up the gift card, the owner had added a lavender leg and foot massage to the package. We next hit up The Body Shop and Bath & Body. Both said we’d have to contact corporate, but as we spoke with Louise at the The Body Shop, we became common people on common ground. Her cousin is doing the Walk in October, too. So after speaking about how many women Avon Foundation helps, she made up her mind to ask corporate herself and even if they said no, she’d make up a basket for us anyway. Cathy picked up the Basket the day before the 10th and not only got a basket from Corporate, she got one from Louise, herself. Beautiful baskets, chock full of aromatherapy, and feeling pretty lotions and potions. Cathy was able to acquire Gym Passes for 2 for a week at David Barton Gym and Dolphin Gym. We got another basket from Scent in the East Village. But the best moment was looking down 7th St, looking at Cathy and saying, “I just had a crazy idea. Let’s go ask North Star Tattoo if they would be willing to donate a Pink Ribbon Tattoo? What’s the worst thing they’ll do? Laugh us out of the building.” So off we went, believing that we had truly lost our minds. We entered the Tattoo shop and were met by the nicest group of artists I have ever met. We explained about the Birthday Fundraiser and why I was doing this. We asked them if they would think about donating, and right away we got “We do Ribbons all the time; mostly yellow, but we can make it any color you want.” David showed us the ribbon he usually creates and said, it wouldn ‘t be a problem, but would have to get the okay of the co-owner. He left it with, “Don’t worry, not a problem.” The tattoo was acquired. Fern, Cathy’s friend for life, donated a bottle of Rosé, and with that we had completed the baskets for the Raffle.
My next hurdle was to find a dress to wear. I don’t have any clothing that really fits anymore because of the weight loss, so I searched high and low. Nordstroms, Macy’s, Filenes, TJMax, Daffys, on and on I searched to no avail. I finally decided that I would look at Ann Taylor Loft. I took Ed with me as my outside eyes. He liked everything I put on. This is why we bring our girlfriends to go shop. Guys are afraid to tell it like it is. Girlfriends aren’t. Thank goodness for the gals at Ann Taylor. Young vivacious gals with a true sense of style. We were able to narrow the field of 6 dresses down to 2, and then it became very difficult to decide. So Ed ended it with, “Get both.” I was floored! I think in reality he was just wanting to leave, and that was the easiest solution. lol
I had my dress, I had the Restaurant, I had the guest list, I had the raffles, now I just needed the party gift bags, the raffle tickets, and the day to come. My birthday. Somehow, I had managed to make it to 49 years of age. How did I do that? I beat Breast Cancer back with a mighty stick, and lots of diamoku, and the support of my friends close, far away, new, old, on FB and off. I learned a lot about caring about me this past year, and just how important it is to be true to oneself in order to be a shinning example of how to be, not what not to be. My faith deepened, my compassion grew, my fighting spirit was fed, a lot.
August 10th came and with it the nerves of the first mammogram and sonogram after last year’s devastating discovery. I chose to do the mammo and sono on my birthday (present to myself) to prove that I had nothing to fear. I was fine until I sat in the car on the way up to Langone. I looked at Ed and said, “I’m not going to lie. I’m really suddenly very nervous.” Ed took my hand, and said, “You are fine.” Ed dropped me off and had to go an audition; so I was on my own. I stepped off the elevator and signed in. The room full of women waiting in various degrees of anticipation ranging from chill to anxious. I sat somewhere in between. I chanted in my head, and soon the nerves passed. My name called, the familiar curtained changing room. The only locker left...Lucky #13. I sat in the inner waiting room, glad that Ed hadn’t come. Me in one room, Ed on the outside, wondering when it would be over for me, worrying that it was taking too long, there must be something wrong; not knowing that the time was spent waiting, waiting, waiting.......
An older woman entered the inner waiting room using a cane hospital gown wide open; unaware that the “girls” were on parade. Nervous talk from her. All weird jokes, too cold, too hot, too too...The women in the room notched up another level of uncomfortable. Could they not see that she was afraid? Most there for the annual mammo and always getting the good news. The women who listened to this elder were clearly those who have been on Cancer’s path. We comforted her, assisted, gave up our seats so she could sit in the “warm spot”. Helped her to the bathroom, laughed at her bad jokes, and took our minds off of our own fears. Finally, I was called to the squish room. Met with a friendly face and an apology for the first squish after surgery and radiation, I entered into the “unknown”. How much would it actually hurt the right side? Would I cry? Would there be anything there? After much manipulation of my carved up right breast and the fun decorations making my nipple and the multiple scars, I hear the usual, “Don’t breathe, hold still, don’t move.” Then the check. I hold my breathe even though I don’t have to. The seconds feel like hours ticking in my head. “Breathe, Melissa, Breathe” I see the image of the decorations marking the scars. Everything looks good. So far, so good. Now the left side. Less pain, no issues, all good. Now, we have to go close. Yikes! The right side, O-U-C-H!!!! Why do they do the mammo just as the nerves are coming back to life? Seems a little sadistic. Back to the inner waiting room I go, to see if they need different angles and to wait for my sonogram. Again, more waiting....why is waiting part of this game? I get called, at last, for the sono, I get covered in goo, and off to the races we go. The scar is measured, the dark spot has me concerned at first, but the tech assures me it’s on fluid which is common after a lumpectomy. I’m so tired, I just want to nap. I get my wish. off the tech goes to show the Doc; I clean the goo off my body, yuck (need another shower). I sleep for who knows how long. I go to the “room” to get my results, and there on the wall are my films. The doctor has a huge smile on her face, she points out all the places where scar tissue has formed and tells me I am clean. Come back in 6 months for the right breast and a year for bi-lateral views and sono’s. I’m FREE! I’m CLEAN!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!
Now, I can go off to the rest of my day relaxed and happy. I have last minute details to take care of for the party, I need a real nap. I need to eat. I did my training walk home from Langone with a huge smile on my face and a spring in my step. I called my mom, Cathy, Ed, sent texts as I walked. I had much to celebrate and be grateful for. I showered and dressed for the party, couldn’t find my makeup (at all) so only wore my pink feather tipped false eyelashes as my only form of doing up. Grab up all the bags I needed, and was a bit frustrated because all of the party favors I ordered, had not arrived yet. GRRRR. Pay extra for on time, and get it the day you want, but after the party is over. As I left the house, I knew tonight was going to be special. I bounded into Via Della Pace only to be met by Alvaro who said, ‘You can’t have the downstairs, there is a party of 8 coming at 7” Did I hear that correctly? No, I have the room for a party of 60! 60 trumps 8. I have had the room reserved since May. Alvaro opens the book and shows that MY RESERVATION has been scribbled out in thick pencil, even though it says, “Talk to Pietro before doing ANYTHING.” I hold my ground and politely say, the room is mine, it has been mine since May, the party of 8 will just have to sit upstairs. Where is the Daniel (the manager), Giovanni switch with Daniel tonight because of the party of 8. Where is Giovanni? Not here. Where is Pietro? Not here. Could it be? Yes! it is “Devilish Function” trying to bring me down off of my good day. Well, news flash! NOT TODAY!!! Call Pietro, he’ll confirm I have the room. The call goes straight to voice mail. ugh! Call Daniel ~ straight to voice mail. Call Giovanni ~ straight to voice mail. No manager, no owner, I hold my ground. I repeat, “I have the room, so you best go downstairs and start setting it up for 60 people.” Alvaro looks perplexed, not really knowing what to do. I call him President after his Country’s President Alvaro Uribe of Columbia. His cell goes off, and it’s Giovanni, saying he spoke with Pietro and Pietro has no recollection of every having spoken to me about this night. He never agreed to the 25% donation. I look at Alvaro, and speak with a straight voice. “Giovanni, is lying. Call Pietro.” He does, and it goes straight to voice mail, again. Alvaro makes his Presidential decision. He sides with me. Carlos, the bus boy, backs me up as I was there this past Saturday speaking to him about how to set up the room. Now things are rolling, guests are coming in and I are taking over the bar. Then a group of gentlemen come in and start downstairs. I stop them and apologize, but that room is reserved for a private party. Joe (I come to find out) looks confused and tells me the room is reserved, but for a party of 18, his party. I tell him, no, it is reserved for a party of 60, and was also reserved for a party of 8. More confusion and then we both realize that the party of 8 was his party of 18. We laugh and he is such a good sport, he tells me ladies first and large parties win over small. We all start talking as we all wait for the confusion to pass. It turns out that we all are there for the same thing. To raise Money for charity. Turns out they are a group of doctors who meet monthly and decide which charity they will support that month. One of the gentlemen has lived with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for 20 years. His name is Sam. We share a common bound with cancer, and he inspires me as I inspire him. Friendship is immediately forged. Then Joe asks what are the raffle tickets for. Ah ha! My raffle to go with my party! How much? $5 each or 5 for $20. When you get set up, come back upstairs and we’ll all buy some raffles. OMG!!!! Benefit out of adversity. A reward for remaining nice, but firm. I love my Birthday!
We are overrun with guests, and many have to eat upstairs, and a usually slow night at Via Della Pace turns into a packed house with a wait on a Tuesday night. Giovanni finally shows up, angry, guilty looking, and blows past me without even saying hello. As I sit visiting with guests, a friend comes up to me to tell me Gio is screaming in Italian at Pietro and it’s a good thing most people here don’t speak Italian. (She is Italian) I just laugh, I don’t care at all. The party is a success and he needs to get over it, because everyone is fine with how it worked out and the restaurant is making a lot of money, and so is the fund raiser. I go upstairs and each of the party of 18 give me $20 for raffles. One buys $50 worth. Then Gato Barbieri and his wife and son walk through to my party. Joe goes crazy! He is a sax player. I made his night. I return downstairs and my Avon Walk for Breast Cancer group come in and I’m so happy they could come. Someone makes me stop selling tickets and sit down to eat. So sit I do and eat while Cathy sells more tickets, Ed joins in, and Ian has lots of friends who come. Then Sarah’s friends show up. Feeny, Julianna, Joey, Coley, Jackie, Stephen. I only expected half of the group. To have Feeny and Julianna is an unexpected Joy! Coley I never anticipated. It was like having Sarah there. i’m so blessed to have Sarah’s friends in my life. the only way the group could have been better would have been to have Kia and Sarah there. Both working, Kia in Europe dancing, and Sarah filming in LA. I sit and marvel at the turnout. 8pm and it’s time for my speech. I share my deep appreciation for everyone being there and how supported I feel. My love of my new found Buddhism, and how much it helped me get through it all. I reminded people why I walk; not just for me, but in memory of Beverly Ruby, Lynn Redgrave....to help that one woman who sits on the floor of her shower wondering how she will pay for this with no money, no insurance, and no support. The woman who won’t go for help when she feels that lump, because she has no support. I want to raise enough money to give her a hand and raise her up and take her from mammogram to cure.
9pm comes and the raffle begins. Representatives from the party of 18 come downstairs to see if anyone from their table wins, and the drawing begins. My friend Rosemarie wins the first prize. The beautiful box from the Body Shop. Joey won the Beauty Basket and we all had a big laugh out of that. Imagine a young man winning beauty stuff. Too funny! The big winner of the night was Tara from Avon. She had lost out on the auction for the tattoo, but ended up winning the best prize. The Wellness package. Joey’s mom gave the top bid for the tattoo. The evening turned to birthday cake and wishes. We gave the rest of the cake (almost 1/2) to the staff at Via Della Pace. A delicious strawberry shortcake from Veniero’s. We all left happy, even Giovanni, who gobbled up the cake like a starving 5 year old. lol The night ended on a high note and a lot of women got mammos 15 to be exact if you think in terms of helping someone. Erin helped us home with all the goodies. Ian walked his friends Rafi and Harley home. Erin told me to hold on to the wigs. So when I know of someone who needs a wig, I’ll have them.
I went to bed exhausted but so happy. My birthday was perfection! even if I had bumps in the road, they were easily overlooked by the joy that filled the air. Good friends, good strangers, good food, and good fun. It doesn’t get better than that.
Part One of Two. Part Two Tomorrow
Light and Love!
Melissa
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