So one year later, I am stronger, thinner, fitter, happier, and more joyful than I have been in a very long time. Why on Tuesday, November 2, 2010 was the best day of my week!?, because I had my last Cancer Treatment! A year long Rx of Herceptin to contain and calm my HER2+ gene, makes for a Long Year! Just to know that I don't have to be at NYU Langone Cancer Center every 3 weeks, makes me so happy!
I woke that morning a little bit nervous. Isn't that weird? I had a lot of mixed feelings, too. Something about the routine, my full-time job phasing out was a little bit unnerving. Ed was up in Cape Cod preparing for his Opening Night of Promise, so he couldn't go with me. Thankfully, it was Election Day and Ian had off from School. Ian could have slept in, but he has been my Rock through out this journey. This past year we have grown even closer, and have a relationship that can't be shaken. He really gets what it's been like for me. He woke early and convinced me to walk up to the Center with him instead of taking the train. A declaration of Victory I guess you could say.
We got there right at 9:45am and he created a sign with three little words that meant so much to me on his spiral notebook
THE
LAST
TREATMENT
When I returned from the back, I V in place and wrapped for safety's sake to go upstairs, Ian
a picture of me holding the sign. My Victory Lap had begun. We headed upstairs for the last
of the year long visits to Dr. Speyer, and waited. Called back the last of the routine began,
weigh in, blood pressure, temperature, and changing into the lovely green gown. We waited a
rather long time it seemed, and Ian began to sing to me, "Buttercup" Why do you tear me down,
Buttercup, don't break my hear-art. So together we shared a wonderful memory of me doing
back up singer to Ian's rendition of "Buttercup" I wondered where he had learned the song, he
knew every single word. He of course had heard the song on The Simpsons or some other show.
His oldies but goodies all come from Television shows. He always seems to know the song that
will cheer me up. At long last Dr. Speyer entered, with a broad smile on his face. Perhaps he
heard our private song session or maybe because he knew it was my last day of treatment, or
got good news, or perhaps all of the above. He listened to my heart, my lungs, did the body check
and said, "All's great! Get Dressed and meet me in the office."
I dressed and with a lift in my spirits I leapt into the chair provided and smiled. He was scribbling
on my chart, then slammed the pen down on the papers, looked up and grinned. "So! This is your
last treatment! I just want to warn you, that much like ending chemo, there can be mixed feelings
of being done. You could feel a bit lost, because you might feel on your own. Don't worry about
it, it is natural to feel this way. You might even get nervous because you aren't being watched as
carefully as you have been. I will see you every 3 months, so don't worry." I agreed, and told him,
I was still seeing Dr. Aladjem, and knew that these feelings might arise. I also told him I'd be taking
advantage of Thriving to Live organization, just for women like me finished with treatment to
help them transition back into a "normal" life. He then looked at me and asked, "I just want to
know one thing, what made you decide on the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer and not one of the
many other Breast Cancer Charities?" I thought of a moment and said, "It just seemed the right
choice, and it was. It challenged me. I don't run, two days was a big goal, 39+ miles a bigger goal,
the idea of having to raise $1800.00 minimum yet another big goal. When I look back, I have
Ruth and Beverly to thank. Ruth walked for me after she had decided not to do the Avon Walk again.
I knew then it was the right thing to do. Then Beverly passed and it steeled my determination to
raise the most money I could so there won't be anymore Beverly's and there won't be anymore
families like Beverly left behind shattered by the loss. I rose a staggering $11,117.00, a sum even I
never expected to reach. But I did, and that has steeled my resolve to make a new goal for next year!
I will be doubling down for a goal of $22,234.00. Next year, I'll do the 39+ miles once again, and
I will do so with great pride in my heart. I will be a 2 year survivor next year; one year closer to
that 5 year mark of Victory.
I left his office armed with confidence and an appointment on Ian's birthday Feb. 1st to see Dr. Speyer,
and the scheduler, Susan, setting up my last Mugga Scan to make sure my heart made it through
the Herceptin with flying colors. Ian and Headed downstairs and to a Bed for my last treatment
my last visit to Sarah, my nurse, the last time I had to confirm my name and D.O.B for the last Herceptin drip. We snuggled on the bed and watched Kathy
Griffith tear it up on her comedy show. Gary came in and gave me the last foot massage (that will
be sorely missed), and 40 minutes later, the Iv came out and I went to the desk, picked up the bell,
and rang out loudly 3 times and spread the news and the hope to those receiving treatment
that there is an end, and when it comes it is filled with great joy! I hope that the message was spread
and those there took a moment and smiled that someone was freed from Hell, and that yes, their
time would come soon. that someday, they would be there picking up that Bell of Freedom, and
spreading hope for the next in line. I hugged my nurse and Ian took a picture of us. We laughed and
both of us felt a divide begin. I love Sarah, my nurse, she took such great care of me, along with all
of the team on the chemo floor, but I only ever wish to see them randomly on the street or if I
come to say hello.
Ian and I walked home, and I called Cathy and asked her to lunch at Via Della Pace to celebrate
with us. Cathy joined us and Alvero, the head waiter gave me a big hug when he found out I had
my last treatment. Lunch was perfection, Pietro stopped in on his way to the Islands where he has
another business to tend to , and was so thrilled to find out the news. Then Alvero gave us a bowl of
Tiramisu on the House and we just had the best time. It occurred to me that just a year ago, I sat there
with my mom and Cathy after I had shaved my head. We had come full circle.
I posted on FB and texted friends about my great achievement. I called Ed and he answered with
"Congratulations, Love." The rest of my day was filled with casting my Vote, and coaching a client
for Laguardia High School.
I woke the next morning wondering if I'd feel any different, and not surprisingly, I felt no different,
just like turning 21, I didn't feel older, just with the knowledge that if I got carded I wouldn't have
to lie, I woke with the knowledge that I didn't have to dread that needle every 3 weeks, and feel
chained to NYC, that I could freely move about the country if I so chose to .
There is great Freedom to that feeling. I have faced down many demons and I am now Unshakably
Happy! I know that I can face down any challenge now. I faced down Cancer and I won. I walked
two days and 39+ miles and I won. I raised more money than I ever dreamt I could and countless
women win! Now I go forth into the future without dread, for all the obstacles to come, which there
will be no doubts about that, I know my roots are deeper and stronger than ever before, and though
the winds may blow with gale force I might bend, but I will NOT break.
Please know that you can make it through Hell, just keep on moving, never give up, determine to
be victorious and you will make it through and you will be Victorious!
2010 may have been a Bitch, but 2011 will be the reward for making it through the Hell.
Light and Love
Melissa
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