I had my first radiation treatment yesterday, and the first day was long. They have to do xrays to make sure that everything is lined up correctly and that my heart and lungs aren't in the field of radiation. I have to lie on my stomach with my head to the side and my arms over my head holding onto hand grips while my right breast hangs in a cut out hole on the bed of the machine. Once I laid down, two techs asked me to scooch down, scooch down, don't move let us do the work. Then they'd tug on the sheet, move my right breast, ask me to scooch again, and then finally I was in position. All the scooching and pulling got my neck and shoulder in a weird position that was a kin to Chinese Water Torture. "Now, we are leaving the room, don't move a muscle. Make sure you breathe normally, and remember....don't move." Then they took the x-rays, and then I had to lay there and wait....wait...wait... for the doctor to approve the film so my radiation could begin. I finally got the all clear and within minutes my treatment was finished. My tech came back into the room and said I could relax and move my arm. Easier said than done. My shoulder froze in place, my neck screamed in pain when I went to move. It is so hard to not move. What a work out. Maria gave me a hot pack which was Heaven sent. I have to say that the treatment on every single level at NYU Langone Cancer Center is A number 1. The continued level of compassion and care is unparalleled. I am always met with a smile and encouragement. It makes it easy to smile back and feel safe. I know I am in the best of hands. This isn't easy, but they make it easier. I got home and within a few hours I felt so exhausted. I knew it couldn't be the radiation, most likely the whole crazy weekend catching up to me. I took a nap, and only woke when Ed brought me a plate of food for dinner. I ate, half asleep. I tried to watch the Olympics but my eyes and brain failed me, and I missed the top six Ice Dancers go for Gold. Ed didn't even try to move me to bed, he just left me there on the sofa.
I woke to hungry kitties jumping up into my face, and doing the things that they know they shouldn't; such as, clawing at the couch, clawing the carpet, knocking things over....I gave up at 6 am, and fed them. I had to get up anyway. So I prepped for the day. Chanted for protection and strength, did my Farmville (guilty pleasure) and then woke the guys. Ed drove me up to the Cancer Center, and I was done with my treatment before I could think about doing it. I laid down on the bed and the tech said, "Scooch down, scooch down. Perfect. Now, remember this position every time, and we will always be out early." My neck and shoulder didn't really have time to hurt, so believe me, I will try my best to get it right every time from now on. I thought I was done, but Nelly stopped me and said, "You have to wait, Tuesday you meet with the Doctor." So I called Ed and told him to park and come in because he likes to be there for the Doctor meetings. My radiation time was 8:15 am, I was done by 8:20 am; we had to wait until 9:50 am to see the Doctor. Glad I brought a book. I love my radiation Oncologist. She is worth the wait. She always makes time to answer your questions completely. She showed us the images and exactly how the radiation beams were entering my body and how they were missing the lungs and heart. I am really only getting radiated in the area that needs it, nothing more. It's good to know that.
I am in the "B" arm of this trial. This means that instead of getting a booster dose every day, I'll be getting one big boost on Fridays. This will carry me through to Mondays. Fridays will be my long day, so instead of 5 minutes of radiation I'll be in the room for 20 - 30 minutes because on Fridays they also do an x-ray. I'm glad I have the "B" arm.
By the time I start to feel the fatigue, I'll be almost done with treatment. By the time I start to show the effects of radiation, i.e. burn, peeling, itching... I'll be done with treatment. So many benefits with being in this trial.
1. Only 3 weeks vs. 6 weeks
2. No exposure to my heart and lungs
3. Targeted dose to only the tumor site.
4. I won't have to push through for many weeks feeling drained
5. I won't have to suffer with prolonged exposure to radiation while burned.
I am so lucky. So as I lay on the bed this morning, I got teary. Not because I was afraid or was in pain, but because I thought about how lucky I am, and how protected I am, and how grateful I am that I found a spiritual center, Buddhism. I have always believed that Everything happens for a reason, and even though it may seem awful at the moment, time will reveal the good. I hope that if you are on this journey of Breast Cancer that you take with you Hope, and that I can give you Courage, and that you remember to keep your sense of Humor. These three things are important. I walk through this mess and can honestly smile. I will win, and become stronger. I have found my inner peace and I am happier than I have ever been.
Life is good.
2 down, 13 to go.
Nite!
Light and Love!
Melissa
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