REALITY BITES

December 8, 2009 Tuesday

I've been in a cocoon for a while now, safely tucked in my home from reality. I play my farmville or work from home doing the paperwork for my daughter's career or rest or anything but real world stuff. Even when I go out, it's to go to Dance class, my P/T or go shopping at the grocer's. but the reality is we are very broke. Today it hit hard, very hard. Ed has been having trouble with one of his teeth for about 2 weeks now, over the past week, Ed got an abscess in his mouth because of the tooth. We don't have dental insurance, something we lost back in September. So his dentist called in an antibiotic and had him come into the office today. The tooth had split and had to be pulled. Now Ed lays in the bedroom in agony. The tooth loss is not good for an actor, it impacts his look. We can't afford a bridge or implant. What to do? Then I got a call from the billing office at Dr. Axelrod's. The insurance company has begun to make payments and guess what? WE owe half. I don't even have 1/10th. So now I must beg for assignment. How humiliating. WE pay so much for insurance and still have to pay a ridiculous amount. It's almost as if the roles have reversed. WE pay 80% and the insurance company only has to pay 20%. They have all the money, and we have none. Literally.

I'm so depressed tonight, today started out so great. I went to Luigi's for dance class, and had a terrific time, felt strong, and danced well. I was so happy. Now, with one phone call and tooth extraction and I feel as if I'm drowning. Can't afford a Christmas tree, can't afford even one gift for each of the kids. Not even Egg Nog is affordable. WE are the Cratchits and I am Tiny Tim. The Insurance Company is Scrooge and the Republicans in the Senate are Scrooge's supporters. If we had Health Care Reform, If we had the Public Option, perhaps we wouldn't be on the verge of total financial ruin. I don't mean to belly ache, but this sucks. WE are in so much debt now, that there is no light to focus on. WE are under water, deep water and up is down, down is up. If I start to swim up will I actually be swimming deeper making it harder to find air?

At this time of the season, we need a Christmas miracle, big time. Pray for us and all the women who are in my shoes. I'm not the only one. This year sucks. And 2010 doesn't look to be starting out that great either. Something has to shift to the better. Pray, and have faith. My friend Kelly sent me a bag of words so if I fell short on what to say I could go to that bag and pull out a word to help me. Today, I went to the bag and pulled out my word, and that word was FAITH. The perfect word for the Season.

I must not panic, I must move on with FAITH. Things will come out alright somehow, right?

Nite!

Light and Love!

Melissa