Yesterday was my last Chemo treatment. I woke early, eager to get up to the Cancer Center and get it over with. But as I am well aware, when you are too eager, the Universe has a way of torturing you. I got up there right on time. I was called in quickly, so I thought, "Slam dunk", I'll be in and out. Then the port would not give blood. Delay #1. Heparin given and had to wait 20 minutes before trying again. Still not flowing so great, so Sarah, my chemo nurse had to draw the old fashioned way. Messy, but we got it done. Next up to the doctor's floor. Already 30 minutes behind, now. Delay #2. I went to pay my co-pay, but the guy at the desk didn't have change. I had to put the co-pay on the credit card. Can we say, $$ finance charges? Finally got in to see Dr. Speyer. I weigh 133lbs. I didn't put the weight back on like I have in the past. That's okay with me, I like my new shape. The doctor and I spoke about the ending of the chemo and when I'd start to feel "normal" again, He said 6 months. I took that as a challenge to prove him wrong. I am determined to make it 3 months. The gauntlet has been thrown down. Let the better man/woman win. I told him about my horrendous hot flashes that have robbed me of a good night's sleep. Every hour drenched in sweat. My 8 hour sleep cut in half. My fatigue because of it. My crabbiness. My multiple hot flashes during the day. Ed says at least 50 a day. All I know is I'm drenched more than I am dry. I flux between cold and over heated. Dr. Speyer wants me to wait for 6 weeks, to see if it is driven by the Chemo or if it is my sudden onset of menopause. 6 WEEKS!? That feels like a lifetime without proper sleep. At least these next few days I'll not notice; sleep is the norm with the chemo regardless of hot flash. Finally, I headed back down to the 6th floor. When I arrived at 9:45am the waiting room was completely empty, save for a couple of people. Delay #3. When I got back to that waiting room, I was hard pressed to find a seat. That was not good news. I knew the wait was going to long. I was scheduled for 10:30am. I didn't go in until 11:50am. Still not too bad considering all the delays. But when you have to wait, unexpected benefits come to you, if you are patient. My son came to be my chemo buddy. And next a young boy arrived with bags and bags of goodies. He handed out the bags with a note to each and every person waiting to have treatment. His name, Harrison. His cause, part of his Mitzvah, giving back to community. He raised money by collecting only quarters and with the money he raised, he bought the softest coziest blankets for chemo patients. He hailed from NJ, and traveled in to the city for his cause. I'll post the video interview. It meant so much to me and all the others there. A hidden benefit. If only more young people would stand up and reach out to give, this world would be a caring place all the time. I applaud his mother. They are friends with Pam, who is the founder of R.E.S.T. who is responsible for the free massages we get at the Center from the best massage therapists in the City. Pam worked with Harrison and what a great team they turned out to be. The blanket was so much more comfortable than the scratchy cotton blankets the Center supplies. Pampering was the word of the day. Now I had my son, who knows how to make me smile from the inside out, my new comfy cozy blanket, my apple juice, and then Lizzie and Corilee from the SGI Cultural Center arrived to chant with me. Already dopey from the drugs, I chanted for awhile, but dozed off to the calming sound of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. With their hands laid on my legs, I felt the rhythm of the Mystic Law pulse through my body, spreading healing, turning poison into medicine. My legs didn't have that twitchy restless feeling. During the chanting, the massage therapist showed up and I got my massage. After my massage the chanting continued for a bit longer, and soon Ed came with lunch and the ladies all left and it was just my family around me. I had such a peaceful session. I drifted off to sleep, Ian took off, I don't blame him. Around 4pm my chemo was done. Sarah came in and said, "I know you want to ring the bell today, but technically you aren't really done with treatment, because you still have to come for Herceptin. It's a little bit weird, cuz you are done with the chemo, but still, you aren't really done." I can accept delays, but this was one of those times, I was not willing to accept this delay. Ed wasn't willing either. He advocated for me. But ultimately I stood my ground. I explained that ringing the bell was what got me through to this day. I argued that Herceptin was not a chemo drug, and the bell is for when the chemo is done. So I really wanted to ring the bell today, and I'd forgo the ringing of the bell at the end of the year. In the end, Sarah accepted the argument and said I could ring the bell twice; once for today and once at the end of Herceptin. So I grabbed the bell, and said aloud the declaration and rang the bell loud and strong for all to hear on the floor. It felt good to be finished with this Part A, the rest is easy. 90 minutes every three weeks 'til the end of the year; radiation for 3 weeks, muga scans, CT Scans, follow ups, mammograms, MRI's all of these things are so easy compared to the six chemos. Chemo is over and the next three weeks will go quickly because I don't have to face another chemo treatment. No dread in the future. Only healing, and getting strong again. The biggest issue I'll face is keeping the weight down. With determination I'll do that too.
After my last session I went to the Cultural Center and was inspired by the speakers that night. Something I read while waiting for my last treatment were the words of President Ikeda. His wife said in an article I read, "My husband once wrote to a women's leader: "Live out your life with courage; this the best path to happiness." I feel I have lived up to this statement. I want every woman facing Breast, ovarian, any cancer with courage. We need to all be Lions, fiercely fighting for our lives. WE will all be victorious. Prayer is a strong medicine in whatever form you choose to pray in. Let it guide you to victory. Never give in to fear, fear is the only way you can lose. And yes, there will be moments of doubt, but push the doubt away, it is not anymore welcome than the cancer. Victory is yours to attain, and you will attain it with strength you didn't know you possessed. I know I have.
Nite!
Light and Love!
Melissa
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