SLEEPLESS

October 4, 2009 Sunday 3:11 AM

Sleep. What an elusive word right now. I have tried for hours to sleep now and can't seem to get there. Certain that the coffee I had after dinner at Rose's house is the culprit for my sleepless state, I kick myself for having that damn cup of coffee. I haven't had coffee for quite a while, weeks, in fact, so why now did I go back to the stuff? I wiggle, I shift, I squirm, I toss, I turn. Reposition the pillows, shake out my arms. I give up, grab the computer and blog. I am tired. I wish, no desire sleep, yet the Sandman has passed me by.

I had lunch today with MaryAnn and her daughter Jackie. We have only spoken on the phone for months now, and it was so great to spend some time with them. Jackie, the girl with sparkling energy and MaryAnn just makes me laugh, simple as that. We sat at my favorite restaurant in the East Village and had Brunch, and got caught up on life, and yet, did't discuss my situation. Fine by me! It's nice to just be "normal" for a spell. It began to rain and we all laughed at getting caught without an umbrella, so I called Ian and he brought us two umbrellas, and yet comes soaking wet because he didn't open either one. Ian loves the rain. I swear in a past life he was a duck. Dripping wet his tall thin frame enters the restaurant and both women marvel at his height. So out we go, into the rain and head our separate ways. MaryAnn and Jackie to cab it Uptown to look at apartments, and I have promised Ian a Pumpkin Scone at Starbucks. The rain picks up intensity and although both Mom and I are under the umbrella we both get wet, while Ian just strolls happily along soaking wet. We eventually end up home, and the rain, as if on cue, stops.

At 7 we have dinner plans with Rose and Roy and their son, Rafi. It is always a treat to go to their house. So warm and welcoming. Roy's artwork proudly displayed and always I find something new in the artwork that grabs my eye; something I've missed from the time before. We talk and laugh and discuss chemo and hairlessness. I joke that my head will soon resemble Roy's freshly shaved head. We have dinner and discuss many topics, and just have the best evening. I have that evil cup of coffee and talk some more, and before you know it, it's 11 PM. So we head home walking through the bustle of weekend partiers, most of them NYU students hoping to not get carded. One girl I pass dressed in sequins over a long sleeved white t-shirt trying her best to look barely 21 and coming off like a kindergartner on Halloween pretending to be Hannah Montana. Ah! Youth!

I speak with Sarah on the Coast and we have the best talk we've had in many days. She tells me her day, I tell her mine. We talk for over an hour. We hang up, I try to relax, the TV goes off, and the tossing and turning begins. No thoughts just restlessness. I wonder, will I ever get to sleep? I've so much rolling around in my head. I've decided that coffee and me don't get along anymore. I can't sleep, my stomach is churny and my mouth is as dry as a bone. My port itches. My arm aches. My eyes burn with exhaustion and still ~ nothing.

I had a wonderful day. Part of me doesn't want it to end, I guess. Tomorrow is a shopping day. Cat food and juice and other such things. Am I boring you yet? I'm bored, but WIDE AWAKE!!!! Okay, I'm going now. Wish me luck on getting to sleep. Maybe I'll surf the TV and find a really boring channel to drift off to.

Nite!
Light and Love!
Melissa