A New Day, A New Month, A New Insurance, A New Chapter. I met my Chemo Doctor today. Dr. Speyer. I was told he was serious, so I expected a dour "doctory" type. So my mom and I leave home, take a cab (a treat I'm not too used to) and get to the 8th floor of the Cancer Center at NYU. Things were a bit wacky at first, because I checked in and the lady behind the desk said I needed to go through the door and speak with Susan first. So my mom and I looked at each other, shrugged, and did as we were told. I thought that they'd want to get a hold of my bank account. So we stood there waiting for a bit of time, and finally Susan got off the phone, swiveled in her seat, and asked why we were standing there. After a very awkward moment of Susan looking confused, Me and mom looking confused, Susan said, "I don't really know why you were sent back here, so You are checked in, and don't worry, just have a seat outside." So confused, we go to the waiting area wondering, just wondering. Susan came out and started to give the desk girl a bit of a hard time, pointed at us and asked why she sent us back to her. The desk girl was like I didn't send them back I sent the lady standing behind them. I meant to send the other lady. So we all had a big laugh at the misunderstanding. I knew then that all would be fine. So after a period of "hospital" time we were called back, placed in a room and had the usual things done. BP, temperature, and as soon as the nurse walked out, both my mom and I burst into laughter. The Nurse, very nice, don't get me wrong, she was so "dour" so serious, no talk, all business. So NOT what I'm used to through this whole experience. So I'm thinking, "Oh my, the Doctor is going to be just like this. I hope I don't start laughing hysterically." Finally, Dr. Speyer enters with his Nurse Clinician. And all I can think is, "This is the sane version of Ed Begley, Jr., and that nurse is wearing a really great outfit. So smart." He was serious, but I could tell he was testing the ground. Who was I? What was I like? How open could he be with me? Things like that. So we bounced back and forth between the "office" and the exam room. He spoke candidly and with seriousness. Kind and gentle, and happy to see that I looked so well.
So I am a mixed bag of cancer. There are things they look for when deciding how to treat. The size of the tumor makes it little chance, moderate chance, or high risk of recurrence. The Good news ~ my tumor was small = little chance of recurrence. However, my type of cancer cells found are an automatic high risk for recurrence, so therefore the mixed-bag. So I will be treated as if I had a large tumor ~ aggressively. I will begin with chemo, 6 rounds One treatment every three weeks. Herceptin for an entire year. Radiation to follow the chemo. The length of radiation is to be determined. So let Chapter Three begin.
I know that I will get Dr. Speyer to laugh, I saw the edges of his mouth trying hard to remain "serious". He was very concerned that I wouldn't cry over the loss of my hair, of which is certain because of the types of drugs to be used. I really am okay with this, not to say I won't cry big time when the clippers come out to shave me bald. I will deal. Hair grows back and that's the only thing I want growing back. Mr. Lumpy in any form growing back, NO! I'll take being bald for a while over that any day of the week. The list of drugs to counteract the side-effects are as long as my arm. The nurse, Debbie took us down to the chemo floor and gave us a tour. Very high end. Lounge chair, private tv, phone within reach... so forth and so on. I'm feeling like this is going to be kinda "me time". I'm liking this for now. I'm sure the tough days will come, the darkness will set in, but I'm determined to be positive, hopeful, and happy. Chemo will follow me into the New Year, but only until February. So I look forward to being like a tree, bald in the winter, and budding forth with new growth in the Spring. Peach fuzz at first, then the buds and finally beautiful blossoms that cover the entire tree reminding us that Hope truly does Spring eternal.
So bring on the Chemo, bring on the cocktails and the anti-nausea drugs, the radiation, the hair loss, the weight loss, the puffy face from steroids. That is temporary. My hope is eternal, my strength is just who I am. My determination is steely. I do this for me.
I can't wait to get started, to get on the road. As we left the building, my mom had to ask that I slow down. She couldn't keep up. But I had to move swiftly. I felt that if I moved quickly, I'd get to October 13th faster, and then the reality set in. Moving fast wasn't going to make time move faster. So once again I have to learn to be patient. ARGH! Patient/patience one in the same.
Chapter Three, the long chapter. It's going to be interesting.
Nite!
Love and Light!
Melissa
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