Sorry to have been away from the blog, but the party was huge, and I was a hog and drank all the mojitos. ; P The Surgery was a Gigantic success! The surgeon had to do "Rock, Paper, Scissors" to decide who got to go first, and Dr. Berman won. So my lypoma was the first to go. I'd love to take the surgical report and shove it down the insurance company's throat. Cosmetic my foot!! That horrid lypoma went through muscle and wrapped down into my armpit. EEWW! I know. So Dr. B had to take his time because now nerves were involved. But He got it all and put in a drain because my "third boob" as I called it, was the size of an A cup, and that is a lot of space to leave behind. I'm so happy it's gone, but it really does hurt a lot right now. Then Dr. Axelrod came next and she got Mr. Lumpy and his little dogs, too. No drains, just boo-boo bandages, and very little pain there. What really hurts is the Port. When I was coming out of my drug induced slumber, they asked me to lift my head, and try as I might the pain was too much and I just couldn't lift it. The incision is directly over my collar bone. I feel like I have a broken collar bone, and the port which was placed on the left side over my upper chest hurts almost as much as my incision.
Before I went through all the procedures I had the Mardi Gras Funeral for Mr. Lumpy. As we moved from place to place we played Jazz. The 8am visit to St. Vincent's for the nuclear procedure to locate the sentinel node was the most painful experience of my life!!! I cried out in pain and it was the first time I really cried during a procedure. I wish someone had really explained just how painful that was going to be. I would have been better prepared for it. No amount of Nam moyoho renge koi helped to ease the pain. So I cried and let the pain rush through me, and believe me, it took it's sweet time leaving. Then I had to lay there and be still, while I tried to control the sobbing. Mr. Lumpy's f-you as he became totally aware of his eminent execution. Then up to Dr. Axelrod's office to have not one, not two, but three wires placed. This took a bit of time, and at first was painful because I still had hematomas all over my breasts. But as each wire was placed the old blood was released and the pain was simply No More. So with me wired up and ready to receive radio signals, I was hoping for KISS Fm I was bundled into a car driven by a little old man who had glasses so thick I wondered how he got a license to drive, and drove a town car too big for his size.He must have be his 80's. He was not unlike the bus driver in Harry Potter. But he was very sweet, and I think this is all he does all day long. Drive from the Doctor's office to the hospital all day long, for he knew the way "blind".
We go upstairs and the hospital had it's hand out right away for the co-pay. Least we try to dine and dash...The team of doctors met with us and we all laughed and were very excited to be getting to the demise of Mr. Lumpy. So the OR nurse took Ed and me to a tiny room to discuss the day, and I changed into my Vogue surgery gown, and put on my sexy socks, and my surgical cap. I was a vision with my wires sticking out all over the place. Soon the parade of Doctors, residents, interns and nurses made their way into our tiny room to have me sign a multitude of papers, and explain things I didn't have a chance to remember, and then It was time. I kissed Ed goodbye and headed down the hall toward the door that led to the surgical suite. Once through that door the nurse and I wander around and around a labyrinth of hallways past so many surgical suites. only to come to the very last room on the right before you would head out toward the waiting area. I had to laugh to myself, because, of course, my room would be the furthest from the beginning. I had truly come full circle. I took a deep breath and entered the room and it really was like a big party in there. Full of people prepping the space, the surgical bed the focal centerpiece looking like a big fluffy cloud. I climbed up on the bed and it was so warm and comfy. I said, "Let's get this party started!" The IV went in and I said, "Bring on the Moji...." and the next thing I know I'm having a dream of being in a big house with beautiful French doors that open on a lovely perfectly landscaped yard, and then I hear Ed's voice saying, "Hey there, beautiful." The dream popped into air and I thought, "Oh,right. I'm coming out of surgery." I could hear everyone talking, Mom, Ian, my friend Joe and Ed, the doctors with the usual words of "She's doing fine, it's not uncommon for her to be unresponsive." I so wished Ed hadn't let Ian in to see me like that, I think it freaked him out. I tried so hard to talk to him, but the words wouldn't leave my mouth. I felt sick, and tried to puke, and only a small amount of bile came up. I could hear Ed telling Joe to take mom and Ian home, and then I felt Ian's sweet tears on my face and his voice whispering, "I Love you, Mom." His hand stroking my hair and touching my face, and still, I could not reach out to him, no matter how hard I tried, I was screaming inside, I love you, too! but the words still would not come. Some time must have passed for I felt myself plunge back down into the darkness and dreamless place, and then they were moving me to the room. Still out of it. Sore and sick to my stomach, I felt them move me onto the bed, tell me a bunch of stuff that I couldn't make out, but most likely, "This is the call button, use it to get us to help you with the bathroom."
Hours later, I had to pee, so the nurse came by, got the lovely bed pan under me and there I lay FOREVER! unable to pee, but bursting at the seams. I finally begged to be walked to the bathroom where my pee was the color of the deep blue sea. The gamma dye from 8am and the blue contrast dye used during the surgery was making it's way out of my battered body. I shuffled back to bed and the shivers began from being so still for so long and then getting up to move in an air-conditioned room. The pain at my port site was almost unbearable, but morphine sure hit the spot, and I rested peacefully. The Residents came in around 8am and said I was getting released at 11am. HA! That's all I can say. My mom arrived near 11 am, Ed couldn't stop by before leaving for Albany, full of guilt, and Ian went to school to be met by his History teacher saying, "Don't be sick again." and refused to take his note explaining I had surgery. So now I will have to speak to this man about his lack of compassion, and the effect it has had on my son. At the very least he owes my son a heart felt apology. Ian wasn't cutting class, the school was aware of my surgery. The councilors had said to me,"If he decides at the last minute to be with you, and he doesn't show up on Monday, we will assume just that, and don't worry." There is always one, isn't there? The one you will battle with, the one who lacks mercy and understanding. My hope is that once he hears he will change his tune with my son.
Finally at 2pm we were released from hospital and Linda picked us up and drove us home. Thank God for Linda. Thank you my sweet friend for being there for me. And I will pick out that bra when I'm feeling better. I have such great friends. I'm so lucky. My friend Cathy came by after work and brought flowers. My daughter sent me flowers and a balloon with the sweetest note, Stephen and Barbara sent me lotions, and I just feel so very pampered. Sore to the core, tired to the bone, but oh so very happy that Mr. Lumpy is gone, my lypoma is gone, and the little dogs are gone, too. Now the healing begins, and Sept. 30 I see Dr. Axelrod and Dr. Berman, and then Chapter 3 will begin soon. Radiation and Chemo. The long chapter, the long row to hoe. But the horizon is there growing bigger each day, until I ride off into the sunset of 100% health.
Thanks for supporting me in my journey, and pass it on if you wish. If more people knew, it would be less scary, people would be better informed, and things would change for the better, not just for women with breast cancer, but all people who suffer from cancers.
Going to bed now. I've worn out my own welcome.
Nite!
Love and Light
Melissa
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