I had a rough day today. Can't really put a finger on it, just a rough day. I woke thinking Ian had overslept, so the day was yanked awake. Maybe that was it, or maybe it's three days out from surgery. My drain put out more than usual today. So That sucked. Then I had to cut checks, open mail, and get the insurance EOBs. Funny what the insurance company deems payable on one hand and then what they disallow on the other. It makes me crazy. I know, I know, I really shouldn't pay attention to the EOBs, the cost, the sky-rocketing costs to our family. I should focus on the healing, the mending, the getting 100% cancer-free, but somehow the insurance company always intrudes and hits you hard, and mean.
I had to call about a procedure that was done on Sarah last July 2008, and she had three insurances, two of her own, and one under Ed. Do you know we still owe $594 for that procedure? Because the secondary insurance has decided to deny coverage. Unnecessary procedure. Interesting since the primary paid for it and thought it was relevant. So I call the Billing department. We talk, Carolyn and I, for several minutes and get on the same page. I try to call SAG to find out exactly why they won't pay. I'm met by LAURA, the most selfish person on the planet. I have dealt with Sarah's medical insurance from day one. Now that she's 18 it's as if I'm some interloper trying to steal my daughter's identity. I have spoken with other people at SAG since Sarah turned 18 without any difficulty before, but can't help but think that this B*tch has been instructed to stonewall me. "Is your daughter also on the line?" She snidely replied. "She has to be on the line in order to say it's okay for you to talk to me, I can't release any information to you without her express permission." Well, I was being honest. I could have easily have called and said I WAS Sarah, how would she know? "We would know, we'd ask questions only Sarah could answer." Like what? Her Social Security number? her address? her DOB? What color are her eyes? Who she kissed last night? What bull sh*t!!! I could answer any of those questions and they'd never know it wasn't Sarah. It had me so upset, and I was already not feeling well, and the day went down from there. I shamed her and the insurance company. Sarah paid her insurance, paid in full right up front, not in quarterly payments, IN FULL. SHAME ON THEM! for trying to get out of paying. We should not have to pay more than the $25 co-pay seeing she was covered three ways to Sunday. We are responsible for the payment, me and Ed, not Sarah, but somehow we aren't allowed to appeal their judgement????!!!!! I hung up so upset. I cried and cursed LAURA. "I hope you, Laura, get breast cancer and every single person you love. I hope you have a child who needs constant medical attention. Expensive medical attention and get turned down for every single procedure and told it's not necessary." I didn't mean it, of course, I was just so frustrated. I feel the tsunami of debt swallowing us up, and I am learning to HATE the insurance companies to depths I never thought possible. I rant, I cry, I throw a righteous tantrum, and slam the door to my bedroom and throw myself on my bed and sob the deep sobs I've stuffed down for all of these weeks. The sobs come up in huge waves and can't be stopped. It all seems so unfair in this moment. I was not ready to deal with the WALL. The Wall of grief, fear, frustration, anger, angst, you name it, I felt it. My poor mother on the other side of the door could only sit on the other side of the door and let me feel what I felt and cry. Helpless, I am sure, but Pandora's box had been opened by LAURA! A dumb girl who "didn't want to jeopardize her job" (deep sarcasm) Go ahead LAURA, hide behind your cloak of protection, but can you sleep tonight? I guess that's why I DON'T work for insurance companies, nor would I ever. A Mother, you refused to help a mother under the words of "I have to protect my job" while I fight to PROTECT MY DAUGHTER and her RIGHTS.
So I hit the wall. I suppose I'll run into the Wall from time to time from now on. Sarah has to call them and get me on the three way so LAURA can save her freakin' job and maybe I can fight to get the insurance company to pay for something they should have paid for without battle. I chanted while I cried, and Rose says that every tear you cry while you chant becomes diamonds. Well, I have one hell of a diamond necklace, one that Marilyn would have envied. I slept for quite a while today, I really needed the rest. I realize I did too much today, but things needed to get done.
I learned a few things today. 1. Don't call three days after surgery to any insurance company. 2. I don't like LAURA, at all. 3. Chanting while crying really feels good.
My daughter's show Modern Family was #1 in its time slot. So I'm happy and grateful for that. I love my mom for making chocolate chip cookies when I really needed them. And really glad I have this blog to unload on. I can go to bed feeling wasted but burden free. I've dumped the last little bit of crap and now I can sleep.
Nite
Love and Light
Melissa
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